If you saw me now.. (8)

If you saw me now..

Would you dream with me?

Remember that game I used to play in physics class when we were bored? Imagine if dreams were to come true.. you used to laugh at me, saying that I had a wild imagination, I would tell you my dreams and we would imagine what would happen if they came true.

Imagine if, you were still here.

This is what I have been dreaming about since the day you passed away, every morning I wake up, every morning, for the first 10 seconds of waking up, when I would still be between dreamland and reality, I would hit the snooze button on my alarm I would forget, and would imagine that you were there to listen to my dreams. Every morning, reality hits just as my alarm ceases to ring, and I drag my feet from under my warm blankets and shuffle towards my bathroom to start a new morning without you.

Every day, K. Every day until yesterday.

Yesterday my dream was different, I dreamt I was flying, up on the clouds, my hands going through the cold candy-like vapour, the sun shining bright, a cold breeze running through my hair, and I was laughing. I turned to look around for you and couldn’t find you. You weren’t there K, but I was ok. I wasn’t sad, even though I missed you, I understood. I understood that even though you weren’t there, I was. I understood that I had to laugh, I had to breathe, and I had to live. For the first time in four years I woke up knowing that you weren’t there to share my dreams any more. For the first time, I didn’t have to drag my feet to the bathroom, for the first time I started my day with a smile.

Remember when, I used to believe? I believed in loving and being loved. I believed because of you, because you made it possible, I want to believe again K, I want to feel loved like I used to feel with you. I want to, and today I believe that I will again. One day someone will give me what you have given me before, and I will love again.

Just as I looked around me in my dream, I saw someone coming towards me, the sun was shining behind him so I couldn’t see his face properly, but I was happy he was there, somehow I recognised him, I knew who he was, he was coming for me. His smile wasn’t like yours, and his hands were not yours K, but they fit perfectly into mine, spreading the warmth through my tired body. He held my hand and we both smiled, floating together on the clouds.

I woke up smiling this morning K, because I knew that I can make this dream come true, and Khaled, imagine if, this does come true, I will be happy again, and I will believe.

Good bye my love,

I will always dream with you.