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Hello, My name is.. (63)

Dear Diary,
I'm finally back in Doha, the weather is great. I love winter in Doha, I love the rain in the desert, I love walking on the beach at night, I love the barbeques we have in the garden. Everything seems better in Doha winter. My parents are travelling, as usual, they didn't bother coming back for the short time their kids were back home on holiday, but that's fine I guess, we're used to that. In fact the house is more peaceful without them, I hate thinking this way but honestly it is. Whenever I think of my family it makes me sad, but I guess you don't choose your family, you just have to accept them the way they are.
Juju slept over last night, I missed our long conversations, I missed her. Even though we spent a lot of time together in London, we always had the girls around us and the S3ood situation kind of caused a rift between us, she didn't approve of the way I was acting, and I resented the fact that she wasn't there for me, but all this was unspoken, we both kept it in and I thought it was better if we didn't discuss it, but I was mistaken. After watching a movie together, Juju brought us two big bowls of ice cream from the kitchen and sat down on the sofa in my room,
"Nooro ge3dy"
"Wait wait la7'6a" I said, flicking through the channels trying to find something we can watch,
"Ge3dy Nooro aby akalmech fe maw'6oo3" I suddenly felt tense, what was this about? Her tone was serious,
"Inty ge3dy!" she yelled grabbing my arm and pulling me down next to her,
"Choofy I've been trying to shut up about this bs I can't anymore, I see you burrying yourself alive and I can't keep watching anymore, 5ala9 3ad Noor, enough is enough!"
"What? Where's this coming from?"
"It's coming from you're my bestfriend and you've been depressed about some guy for the past six months and he couldn't care less!"
I felt my body stiffen involuntarily. What she was saying was true, but what does she know about how much I've been fighting myself?
"Nooro! Reddy 3alay stop shutting me out!"
"Did you ever ask yourself WHY I was shutting you out?"
"I did! I don't get it!"
"No you don't. You don't because you never bothered to listen!"
"I did! And I told you to move on and as I recall you agreed!"
"I did! I wanted to! But it's not as easy as you think" I yelled back at her, suddenly I couldn't hold in my tears anymore, I started crying and shaking, she pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly for I don't know how long. I cried for so many reasons, I cried because I loved him and I still do, I cried because I knew he loved me, I cried for us and the future we will never have because he's too stubborn to admit that he needs me in his life.
"Shhh Noor 7abeebty bs 5ala9, I'm sorry I know it's not easy and I should've helped you, I should've tried more"
"No," I said gasping for some air, "no I was a depressed wreck and I wouldn't listen to anyone, but now I think I'm ready, it's ok, a9lan we talked the other day"
"What? When? How? How come you never told me?" So I filled her in on our decision to become "friends" for Fa6ma and 3abdallah's sake.
"Wait what? So you two are friends now?" she asked, shocked.
"I guess," I said shrugging my shoulders, and wiping my nose.
"Payback time?"
"Payback time!" she yelled,
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Uff inty ma tefhemeen. He wants to be friends right?"
"But you don't want that right?"
"So use this friendship to get what you want!"
"And what is that?"
"UFF, you want to be with him, he wants to be friends, so pretend you're his friend, flirt, show him what he's missing out on.."
"Ok go on.. I'm listening.."
"Don't listen! Do!"
"Do what?" I was interested,
"Uff nooro, send him a message"
"And say what?"
"Talk to him Nooro! You guys never had that courting period, where you get to know each other, so you can't be friends because you've never done that, what do you know about him? Honestly?"
When I thought about it, she was right. What did I know?
So I picked up my phone and typed a message,
"Hello friend :)"
I pressed send and looked up at her,
"Ok good start, let's wait and see what happens. Yay I'm so excited!" It was as if her enthusiasm rubbed off on me, after all what did I have to lose? Worst case scenario I realise I was never in love with him and we end up as friends. I looked up at her and smiled,
"You know that's actually a good idea" she hugged me again tightly and said, "I'm so glad we're back being best friends, I missed you so much"
"I missed you too."
We both sat impatiently watching my phone waiting for the red blinking light to indicate a recieved message,
"Uff Juju ma yred!"
"Umm maybe because it's 4 am?" she replied and we both started giggling.
I missed the silliness of being a young girl, I missed the happiness of having my friends around me. I'm so glad I'm over that part, so for now I will wait patiently for my "friend" to answer.
Until next time..