Hello, My name is.. (37)

Dear Diary,

It's been a long time ha?

God, I'm so lame I talk to you as if you'll answer. Shit look at me I'm doing it again!

Hehe, well I feel better now, it's been two months, at the beginning it was very tough but now Fa6ma and I have both gotten somewhat over it. 3alya will always have a special place in our hearts.

I convinced Fa6ma to stay next year and do her masters, she was accepted in my uni and will start in September, thank God I have a 2 bedroom flat. Yesterday was my last exam, I can't believe my first year is over already! I also turn 19 very soon, time passes so quickly!

My friends have been great as usual, they helped a lot with getting us through that tough time I don't know what I would do without them. I'll be going back to Doha next week, still have no plans for the summer though, let's see what my dear parents have in store for us.

I didn't hear from S3ood since he left. Ok so nothing happened between us, but come on we saw each other all day every day for 3 months, I deserve a phone call once in a while right? Even if only as a friend.. not that I would want anything more, or would I? I don't know..

Anyway so yesterday I decided to treat my self to a much needed mani and pedi after my exam, I booked an appointment at NYNC on high street kensington, the woman was working on my hands and had my feet in the water thing to get ready for my pedi when I saw him, S3ood was here in London! I jumped up from my seat, forgetting where I was or what I was doing, I just needed to see him, talk to him. Of course as a result I skidded all the way to the front of the shop, causing a soapy water fiasco in the process, but thank god, he didn't see me. He continued his way down the street, not noticing the commotion inside.

Just as the manicurist was lecturing me about what I did, I had a moment of clarity; I was in love with S3ood, no matter how much I denied it, to my sister, my friends and even to myself, I was in love with him. I loved him and I don't care if he doesn't love me back, I don't care that he sees me as a baby, all I want is to be near him, to see him, to touch him and to hear his voice. What I feel now just makes me realise how juvenile my relationship with Ahmed was. I haven't heard from him since the last time he asked to see me, when we first met 3alya. I don't know what to say to him anyway, there's nothing left to say I guess. Dana knows about everything I was going through, I assume she told him, so I think that's over. I'd like to pretend that it never happened but I can't.

Today the girls were over at our place, and we decided to go watch a movie in the afternoon, I love going to the cinema in the afternoon, the theatre is always empty, you can talk and giggle with your friends and there are no lines when you buy your popcorn. We were walking out of the building and I saw S3ood walking towards us, as soon as he saw us he smiled a huge smile, I felt my heart swell with love, all I wanted to do was hug him and kiss his beautiful face,
"S3oooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!" I yelled,
"Hey," he said as he walked towards me, I forgot where I was, I forgot my friends I forgot everything, he was all I could see, all I could feel,
"Hi.. how are you?" I said when he reached me,
"Umm. Good.." his hands were twitching, like he didn't know what to do with them, then he patted me, on the head, like you would with a kid.

WTF?

Ok ok, I'm a baby.

We had an awkward conversation, he told me he decided to continue his Phd and that 3abdallah decided to do his masters; he convinced him when Fa6ma decided to stay, hoping that something happens between them, I honestly hope so too. But I wanted to yell and what about me!? what's gonna happen to me? He ended the conversation ubruptly saying that he'll let me go to my friends, then he shook my hand!!!

I stood there dazed as he walked away, and just like that I yelled his name and ran to him. He stood there waiting for me with a huge smile on his face as I ran into him and hugged him so hard. I don't know what got into me but I just had to, I hugged him and burried my face in his broad chest, and he held me so tight. A few minutes later we were both laughing, I was embarressed I didn't know what happened,
"I'm sorry, I just missed you" I said, blushing as I stepped back,
"Hey, I missed you too, I wanted to do that but I didn't want to embaress you infront of your friends"
"That's why you patted my head? Like a dog?" I said with a fake angry look,
"Hahahahah sorry I guess I didn't know what to do.."
we stood for a few seconds just looking at each other and grinning, I assume that we looked stupid because my friends teased me through out the movie, I can't remember any of it because of the teasing and taunting!

They're calling me now, they were just updating Fa6ma on what happened earlier, let me go defend myself!

Until next time..