Hello, My name is.. (24)

Dear Diary,

I felt like shit all night yesterday, I couldn't sleep all night and I couldn't stop crying. I kept seeing images of my father lying dead on a hospital bed. I called my brother last night and he said that my father is in the ICU and he'll call me as soon as something happens. So I stayed up all night waiting for the call, expecting the worst. I told them I was booking the first flight and going back home and my brother said no, mafy da3y. Like hell mafy da3y, I'm the one who killed him, the least I can do is be next to him when he dies right?

I got the call at 8 am, my father was stable, he woke up and he talked to them. My mother called me, crying and apologizing.

My mother.

Apologizing.

Do you realise how weird this is? I was dumbfounded. Speechless. I think I still am. Am I making sense? Highly unlikely.

When I saw my mother's number I honestly thought he was gone, that's why she was calling me. She never calls, and I've come to terms with that a long time ago. Juju and I had the same family background, so growing up it was normal to us that we don't see our parents for weeks and that our nannies took care of everything, we thought all families were like that, until we went to senior school and we noticed how the other kids' parents picked them up from school and knew everything about them. At first we thought that was weird, until later it clicked that we were the weird ones and that everyone else was normal. Now you know why I was worried when I saw her number?

When I heard her crying I felt my stomache churning, I was going to throw up all I could say was,
"Mama I'm sorry mama, wallah I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset him wallah, I didn't know what I was saying, tell him I'll do anything he wants bs layroo7 mama please.."
"Mama Noor 7abeebty inty, shh.. he's not going anywhere inshallah, the doctors told us he's stable.."
"Nooo noo you're just saying that 3ashan I don't feel guilty mama please tell me the truth I'm not a baby I can take it! Mama I killed him 9a7? I know! I can feel it! That's why you're crying!"
"La mama laa 7abeebty, you're father is sorry mama let me explain. After you talked to your father he was very upset, he came to me and he told me what happened. Mama he was upset because you were right with what you said. I'm sorry 7abeebty. We're both very sorry. Our lifestyle made us neglect you without noticing, we both thought we were giving you the best, the best clothes the best education, and we thought you were happy. So naturally it came as a shock to him that you no longer accept his choices.. Mama he just wants you to be happy.. he decided that this marriage was a mistake and that he'll let you continue your studies in peace.."
"Then how did he get the heart attack?"
"7abeebty his doctors have been warning him for years, he leads a stressful life o ma yerta7. Noor 7abeebty we're both very sorry. As soon as your father is better we're coming to London 3ashan he sees the doctor ba3ad and you can spend time with him."
"Mama are you sure? Ya3ny akeed he's fine? Can I talk to him?"
"La mama he's sedated al7een bs as soon as he wakes up ba5aleeh ykalmech.. hach mama kalmy Fa6ma i5tech"
"Alooo Nooro"
"Hi Fa6oom.. Fa6oom akeed baba mafeh shay?"
"La Nooro il7imdilla the doctors said he should be fine bs lazem yerta7.. Nooro this is very weird"
"What's weird? You just said he'll be fine?"
"No not that.. bs after your phone call baba came and apologized to me, he gave me my phone and laptop back and said he was sorry for everything and for being a bad father, and get this.. he HUGGED me!"
"NO? Oh my god this is weird.. and what's with mama crying? Is her make up ok?" I started giggling, this feels so surreal.
"Hahahah ya 7mara I can't laugh everyone is acting so sad when honestly all this love is freaking me out, and no her make up is not ok, she tried fixing it a couple of times bs I think she gave up now"
"Hahahahah stop I'm imagining her! I think I'm gonna pee!"
"No but seriously, do you think that all this love will last?"
"I don't know Fa6oom.."
"I hope so.. you know.. I wish we were a real family.."
"Yeah.. so do I.. hey.. if they come to London why don't you come with them? We can hang out together.. I miss you" and I really did, we weren't really close, but she is my sister and we do share some great memories together, it's not too late to build bridges right?
"Yeah? I miss you too.. I think I'll come"

So my father is fine.. I didn't kill him..

But what about Ahmed?

Until next time..