Hello, My name is.. (16)

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I figured things out with Juju. I feel so relieved! I went to her flat with a big box of cupcakes and some flowers, she has an obsession with flowers, her flat is so full of them! We sat down for about an hour, talking about how our lives have changed since we've come here especially since Ahmed has been added to the equation. We agreed that I should cut down on my Ahmed time, since personally I have been feeling quite uncomfortable because of how comfortable he is around me. I mean I love having him around, but he's everywhere! He's a great guy wallah, but sometimes I feel like this is too much for me. I need my space, I need to be me, not us. It's weird I can't seem to explain it but Juju gets exactly what I mean, which is a relief since I was feeling ina ma 3endi salfa o '3airy yetmana ykoon in a relationship like this.

'3airy as in Dana.

Everytime I see her I get this feeling in the pit of my stomache, a heavy feeling, that moves to my heart. What if that was me? What if that was Juju? or 3aysha, Muneera or Noureya? How would I act? She's alone, she has no friends. If it was me my friends would gang up on the girl that hurt me, they'd protect me, they'd cheer me up, be there for me and maybe knock some sense into me. But who's there for her? I mean honestly, how well do I know her?

I talked to Juju and the girls about this, we called all the girls to Juju's flat since we don't want to eat all the cupcakes alone. So we decided that we'll be nice to Dana and see how that goes. So I called Dana,

"Hello"
"Hi Dana, shlonech? It's Noor."
Long pause.
"Hi Noor. I'm good"
Umm no how are you for me? Ok I guess she's not happy with the call.
"Umm.. Dana do you wanna do something today? Ana o ilbanat ray7een shopping and then dinner.. ya3ny nothing special.. do you want to join us?"
Longer pause.. ya3ny I can hear her breathing.
"Hmm.. yeah I guess.. why not?"
"Ok great! I'll see you around 4 in selfridges?"
"Ok"

That wasn't so bad.

We got ready and all jumped into a cab heading to selfridges. I love shopping on a weekday!
We reached selfridges at 4 exactly and I dialled Dana's number, she picked up immediately,

"Hi, I'm just outside the door, am I late?"
"La la we just walked in.."

We met by Gucci, said our hellos and started our shopping expedition. 10 minutes later as I was contemplating a purple belt Dana grabbed my arm,
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?" I'm confused..
"Asking me out, trying to be nice?"
"I'm not trying to be nice Dana, I am nice.. I don't know what I can do for you.. I know you're going through a tough time and I hate seeing you like this, honestly. Look I don't know you, and to be honest the way you have been treating me, maybe you deserve all the shit you're getting.. but deep down I hate seeing this, ya3ny a7e6 roo7y mokanech and I hate it.. so I thought maybe if you get to know me you'll know that I don't want to hurt you and I didn't mean for what happened with Ahmed to happen, ya3ny you can't control feelings"
"Yeah I guess that's true. And I'm not a bitch, honestly. But I've been hung up on Ahmed for so long.. shit I don't know why I'm telling you this"
"It's ok tell me.. maybe once we get this out of the way we can become friends.. God knows we all need friends fe il'3orba"
"That's true.. well.. I think it's time for me to move on.."
and I hugged her. Yes I did.

From that moment on we had a GREAT time with her.. she's actually SO funny, and she has great taste in clothes, she knows so much about make up.. I love shopping with her!

I think she's my new female crush.. hehe I want to be her!

I didn't talk to Ahmed all day yesterday, he called me and I didn't answer, he sent me messages and I didn't answer. I don't know why but the whole time Dana was with me I just didn't want to rub it in her face I guess.

So last night just as I was getting ready to get into bed my doorbell was ringing non-stop. I thought it was Juju so I opened the door in my teddy bear long sleeve pyjamas. And there he was.

Furious.

"Where the hell have you been?"

He was yelling. At me. At my doorstep.

And he looks so cute. I felt my heart twisting. I actually missed him.

And he scared me shway.

"Ahmed.."
"What? Do you have any idea what kind of thoughts went through my head? I kept calling you all day I was going crazy.. I came here in the afternoon and the security downstairs told me you went out with your friends, so I thought good at least you're not sick, but then I started thinking what if you were in an accident, what if something else happened?"

He was still yelling. And I started crying because he scared me. Ok I know that's childish bs he did! I left the door open and ran into my flat and rolled up on my sofa. He followed me slamming the door behind him.

"Do you atleast have an explanation? What the hell? Why are crying now?" He said his voice becoming quieter and sitting on the sofa next to me.
"Noora..Noora talk to me?" and I kept crying.. I have no idea why.
"Ya Allah what the hell am I doing?" he whispered into my hair, "I'm sorry 7abeebty but I was worried" kissing my head, "Noora please.."
I looked up at him,
"I'm sorry.. we were out with Dana and .." And I explained everything.
"You should've atleast sent a message.. I was worried Noora.."
"I'm sorry I didn't think.."
"It's ok.. but she has to get used to us being together.. especially since you're planning on adopting her as a friend.."
"Yeah I guess.. bs shway shway"
He kept me in his arms for I don't know how long but I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and happy, I found a note from him by my bed,

"You're my angel, I wish I can keep you in my arms forever.. sweet dreams, A"

Hmm... he's perfection.

This morning I'm going out with Dana and Juju.. I can't wait!

Until next time..