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Mirror.. (15)

“Daloooooooool!! I miss you!!” I yelled into my phone,
“Hehhe I miss you too.. how are you? It’s been ages since I talked to you”
“I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy with the gallery”
“Yeah? Not too busy for cousin Mohammed though?”
“Hahahh yalsa5eefa”
“How is he with you?”
“Hmm.. good..”
“Yeah ya3ny we’re getting to know each other”
“Hehe madry ya3ny it’s been a month since we started talking, he’s nice..”
“But he’s not Saif”
“No he’s not” I sighed, “I still miss him”
“I know you do, bas Mohammed really likes you”
“And I like him too, he’s sweet, he’s funny, he takes good care of me, ya3ny I know that if I were to marry him I would be happy, but still a part of me holds on to Saif”
“I know”
“Dalool it’s not easy, I saw a life with him, he was a part of me for so long”
“I understand, but don’t you think you’re being unfair?”
“I don’t know”
“Well, Mohammed wants to propose again, I think it’s too soon, but he seems to believe that everything is going well, I wanted to give you a heads up so you’re not caught off guard.”
“Thanks D”
“Don’t hurt him, he’s too nice”
“I know, I’m sorry”
“Don’t be, I know you can’t help it”
I wish I still was that girl who was so in control of her feelings, I feel so helpless. Never in my life did I allow my feelings to take over, I used to juggle guys and emotions without ever being affected. Today I’ve become a shadow of my old self, I feel broken, the spirit that everyone used to admire is no longer there, and all because of what? For a guy who refused to fight for his love.
I sighed again and picked up my pencil, at least I’ve come out with one good thing with this break up, I became more focused on work and have actually started to accomplish something with the gallery.
Just then my phone started ringing, Mohammed calling.
Oh God. I’m not in the mood.
I continued watching the screen blinking with his name; I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. I tucked my phone under my handbag, convincing myself that I didn’t see it ring.
Two minutes later it started ringing again. Ya Allah, why is he so persistent?
Except it wasn’t him.
I gingerly picked up the phone, my finger hovering over the green button,
“Aloo” I whispered, my voice trembling and my tears threatening to fall any second,
“Aloo” he whispered back. God how I’ve missed that voice, I missed his laughter, his lame jokes, his sleepy good mornings and loving good nights. My heart ached for the man that gave me up so easily, and I knew at that moment that I could never be with anyone else, because a word from him made my knees go weak, and for five minutes with him I would give up everything and everyone I loved.
“Saif..” his name came out in a sob, I missed him to the extent that I could no longer breathe, it’s true what they say, you never know what you have until you lose it.
“I need to see you”
“Saif I can’t”
“You’re getting married.”
“I broke up with her”
“What? Sara didn’t tell me...”
“Sara doesn’t know, no one knows yet. 7ala I can’t live without you, this has to stop, I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I don’t care about anyone else, all I want, is you”
“Please, I can’t talk to you on the phone I have to see you”
“Your parents?” I whispered, I was scared, I was too afraid to be happy, what if this was all a dream? What if something bad happens before I see him?
“I talked to them, they’re not thrilled but they’ll get over it. I need to see you.”
“Good, because I’m parked outside your gallery, I’m coming in now”
“What? Wait! No wait! I look like shit!” I yelled, frantically looking for my mirror and trying to erase the traces of black mascara that streamed down my face with my tears.
“You always look beautiful” he whispered standing at my office door.
I looked up at him, trying to take him all in, his thin frame, his tired eyes, his messy hair. I was afraid that if I moved from my place he would vanish into thin air and I would be alone, all over again.
“Is that really you?” I whispered.
He nodded, slowly inching towards me and shutting the door behind him.
“7ala..” he whispered, grabbing me in his arms and holding me tightly. I felt like I was suffocating, I was suffocating under the weight of his body, under the loneliness I felt without him and under the fear of losing him again.
“Promise me you will never leave me again” I whispered, choking on my tears,
“Never, in my life, will I make you cry again” he said, kissing away the tears that were flooding my face.
I pushed him away from me, and held his face in my hands, looking him in the eye,
“Don’t ever let me down again Saif” I whispered,
“Never” he replied, kissing me lovingly on my lips. Strangely enough I felt a sudden surge of anger, and I kissed him back, urgent, needy kisses, kisses that held the resentment I had for his betrayal, kisses that were full of the sad emotions I carried with me for the past nine months.
“Shhhh..” he whispered in my ear, as he let me take my revenge, and held me as I sobbed against his chest, “are you feeling better?”
I nodded, burying my head in his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“Look at me” he said pulling my head up, “I will never let you go, do you understand?”
“Yes” I whispered, this time feeling a little more optimistic than before.