Hello, My name is.. (35)

Dear Diary,

We still go to the hospital as usual, nothing has changed except that now we spend more time in the waiting room than with 3alya. She started getting tired more, we noticed because she sleeps for longer hours, she also can no longer keep her food down which meant that she's even thinner than she was before.

Fa6ma has also lost a lot of weight, my already skinny sister has become skin and bones, her clothes hanging off her body, she's emotionally and physically exhausted, but she doesn't seem to notice it because she genuinely loves 3alya. At the beginning she was reluctant, but as time passed the two girls have become close friends, something that 3abdallah wasn't very comfortable with, but he couldn't deny his wife from enjoying time with a friend and forgetting, even if for a few minutes that her clock was ticking. Sometimes I'd see the two of them huddled on 3alya's bed giggling like two teenagers in a class room, with 3abdallah watching over them like a disapproving teacher. One day Fa6ma was sitting with 3alya trying to feed her some soup, while 3abdallah was watching as usual, I sat next to 3abdallah and whispered to him,
"You know she cares about her right? She's not just doing this for you."
He turned to look at me, starteled,
"Why would she be doing it for me?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"I don't know why your sister is here, and I don't care. If it was up to me I would've asked her to leave a long time ago. In fact I did ask her to leave, but for some reason my wife seems to like having her here."
"Your wife asked her to come here for you"
"For me? Your sister never did anything for me.. it was always for her."
"Her name is Fa6ma" I said looking him in the eye,
"I know what her name is.. trust me.. I know.. you know you remind me of her when she was your age, you have the same pig headed stubbornness"
"Excuse me?"
"Yes, you know what you want and you always get what you want. By the way I've seen how my brother looks at you, don't you dare do to my brother what your sister did to me. I assume you know what that is?" he said and walked away from me to grab the soup bowl from my sister, indicating that she has nothing more to do and should make space for him.

His brother looks at me?

He does?

Ok it's true we've been talking more lately, we joke around and sit together but it's only because of the situation we're in. We're practically all camped out in the hospital and we only see each other, it's natural that we become closer right?

Later that day S3ood and I happened to be in the waiting room, 5alty Mariam was out buying some groceries for the house and flowers and magazines for 3alya.
"Noor we really appreciate you being here"
I smiled at him and said,
"3adi, I really like 3alya, she's a great girl."
"Yeah she is, but inty mub malzooma ina you come everyday, I mean.. you have your friends and your life, you practically live with us. She's our family fa we have to.. Fa6ma and you.. 9ara7a we don't know how we could repay you.."
"Shda3wa S3ood we didn't do anything! Wallah we like 3alya so much, in the beginning Fa6ma was doing it for 3abdallah and I was here for Fa6ma bs now.. la wallah.. now we're here for 3alya and only 3alya" I said as tears filled my eyes,
"I'm sorry Noor wallah ma kan qa9dy ina I make you cry.." he whispered as he held my face in his hands and wiped my tears away with his thumb. I felt my heart beats thundering in my chest, how did S3ood become so nice without me noticing?
He let go of my face but kept staring into my eyes,
"Noor you haven't been seeing your.. friends.. lately, ya3ny we feel bad taking you away from them"
"La 3adi shda3wa, a9lan the girls want to come see 3alya bs she's so tired halyoumain fa gelt maybe it's better to keep it for later shway"
"Ma kan qa9dy the girls.. I meant Ahmed.. he must be so understanding to accept this."
"Ahmed? I haven't spoken to Ahmed in two months"
"Really?"
"Yeah"
"But I thought that you two were..?"
"No. Well.. I think we were getting to know each other but it didn't work out"
"Aha" he said and smiled, a smile that shone through the dark gloom of the wet London day.

I had forgotten about Ahmed, but for the first time I thought of him without feeling guilt or remorse, to me it was a page that I had turned a long time ago, an experience to be learnt from.

Until next time..