Dear Diary,
I lay on my bed this morning contemplating what Fa6ma said,
Y'3ar?
I doubt it, but it must mean something that he asked the same question twice. Was he feeling guilty? Perhaps, but atleast he felt something.
I decided that I'll stay in London for the summer, or atleast I'll stay for as long as he's staying. I jumped out of bed and got changed quickly, I have to tell Fa6ma that I'll be staying, and I assume that she'll stay with me, I doubt she'd want to spend the summer with Mummy dearest alone.
I tiptoed out of my room to find the flat still dark, Fa6ma was still sleeping. I decided I should go get us some breakfast so we could discuss what we'll do in London this the summer. Although we both love London, we hated it during the summer, therefore I will need to convince Fa6ma that staying here is a good idea. I quietly slipped on my flip flops and left the flat heading for Paul for some fresh croissants and danish pastries.
I smiled as soon as I left the building, today was the definition of beautiful English weather, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, the birds were singing, the trees were green and lush and the air was crisp and cool. I strolled slowly across the street my ipod in my ears humming along with the songs and grinning at random people, even the weird Elvis lookalike who keeps telling me I'm gorgeous everytime he sees me.
This will be a good day.
I reached Paul and stood in the morning que taking in the smell of freshly baked pastries, I ordered my croissants, pain au chocolat and danish pastries and headed to Waitrose for chocolates, waffles and biscuits.
I struggled to get home with all the bags I was carrying, by the time I reached the building my arms were killing me, but I was still happy. As I was trying to open the front door with out toppling over, I heard someone laughing quielty,
"3azma fereej?"
I turned around to see S3ood standing 3 feet away and smiling at me,
"Ma y'6a7ek! You should be helping me instead of standing there and watching me suffer!"
"Hahah ok ok I'll help you bas 3ala shar6.."
"Ba3aaad! Tetshara6?"
"E 6ab3an atshara6"
"Wesho ilshar6 inshallah?"
"Inny akoon ma3zoom.. I'm starving and this smells great" he said pointing at my bags,
"Hehehe sure akeed ma3zoom, just help me carry these things upstairs"
He carried most of my stuff easily and walked towards the lifts, I watched him as he walked infront of me wondering what he was doing here so early.
We rode in the lift silently, I was looking down at my feet, scrutinising the chipped polish toe nail and thinking of what I should say to him, while he smiled at the bag of pastries he was holding in his right hand. I wish he would look at me like this. I'm so sad, I'm jealous of a pastry.
Finally the lift lady talked announcing that we have reached the sixth floor and that the doors were openning. We walked out and headed to the flat, I opened the door and he stepped in putting the bags down on the floor,
"Yallah tefa'6al I'll set up the table, I think Fa6ma gamat"
"La ana baro7 shway o barja3, I'm meeting the real estate agent here, he's showing me a flat in the building"
"Oh.. ok"
"Hehe what did you think I was doing here so early? Stalking you?"
"Ha? umm la.. madry ma fakart"
"Hehe ok yallah see you ba3d shway.. don't eat all the pastries!"
Just as he left, Fa6ma came out of the living room,
"Wain kinty?"
"Re7t ayeeb breakfast," I answered pointing at all the bags,
"Baaaal shda3wa! Men kan y7acheech?" She said as she picked up some of the bags,
"S3ood, he's coming for breakfast"
"Oh? Laish ra7?"
"He's meeting an agent, he's looking at a flat in the building"
"What? Shit!"
"What?"
"Ya3ny 3abdallah will be here too, ya3ny I'll bump into him everyday, ya3ny I can't avoid him!"
"Why would you want to avoid him?"
"Because.. because I do ok?"
"Fa6ma when will you stop running away from things?"
"Please don't lecutre me ok? Kfaya 3alay S3ood!"
"Laish what has he been lecturing you about?"
"Uff nothing"
"Fa6ma why do I have a feeling that you're not telling me something?"
She looked away from me and whispered, "madry"
We set up the table quietly and sat in the living room waiting for S3ood to come, 10 minutes later the door bell rang and S3ood walked in as soon as I opened the door.
"Aaaaaah foood, I'm so hungry!"
He sat at the table and put a cheese croissant on his plate, both Fa6ma and I were just standing by the sofa looking at him,
"What you're not eating? You bought all this food for me?"
"Umm.. no we're eating, but I think you have some explaining to do" said Fa6ma,
"Explaining what?" he said between bites, I was seriously confused, what the hell was going on?
"You know, the flat situation"
"Noor, yeeby i5tech ga3deeha and come eat, Fa6ma sit down"
She reluctantly sat down and S3ood dumped some food on to her plate and she picked at it with her fork.
"3azma fereej?"
I turned around to see S3ood standing 3 feet away and smiling at me,
"Ma y'6a7ek! You should be helping me instead of standing there and watching me suffer!"
"Hahah ok ok I'll help you bas 3ala shar6.."
"Ba3aaad! Tetshara6?"
"E 6ab3an atshara6"
"Wesho ilshar6 inshallah?"
"Inny akoon ma3zoom.. I'm starving and this smells great" he said pointing at my bags,
"Hehehe sure akeed ma3zoom, just help me carry these things upstairs"
He carried most of my stuff easily and walked towards the lifts, I watched him as he walked infront of me wondering what he was doing here so early.
We rode in the lift silently, I was looking down at my feet, scrutinising the chipped polish toe nail and thinking of what I should say to him, while he smiled at the bag of pastries he was holding in his right hand. I wish he would look at me like this. I'm so sad, I'm jealous of a pastry.
Finally the lift lady talked announcing that we have reached the sixth floor and that the doors were openning. We walked out and headed to the flat, I opened the door and he stepped in putting the bags down on the floor,
"Yallah tefa'6al I'll set up the table, I think Fa6ma gamat"
"La ana baro7 shway o barja3, I'm meeting the real estate agent here, he's showing me a flat in the building"
"Oh.. ok"
"Hehe what did you think I was doing here so early? Stalking you?"
"Ha? umm la.. madry ma fakart"
"Hehe ok yallah see you ba3d shway.. don't eat all the pastries!"
Just as he left, Fa6ma came out of the living room,
"Wain kinty?"
"Re7t ayeeb breakfast," I answered pointing at all the bags,
"Baaaal shda3wa! Men kan y7acheech?" She said as she picked up some of the bags,
"S3ood, he's coming for breakfast"
"Oh? Laish ra7?"
"He's meeting an agent, he's looking at a flat in the building"
"What? Shit!"
"What?"
"Ya3ny 3abdallah will be here too, ya3ny I'll bump into him everyday, ya3ny I can't avoid him!"
"Why would you want to avoid him?"
"Because.. because I do ok?"
"Fa6ma when will you stop running away from things?"
"Please don't lecutre me ok? Kfaya 3alay S3ood!"
"Laish what has he been lecturing you about?"
"Uff nothing"
"Fa6ma why do I have a feeling that you're not telling me something?"
She looked away from me and whispered, "madry"
We set up the table quietly and sat in the living room waiting for S3ood to come, 10 minutes later the door bell rang and S3ood walked in as soon as I opened the door.
"Aaaaaah foood, I'm so hungry!"
He sat at the table and put a cheese croissant on his plate, both Fa6ma and I were just standing by the sofa looking at him,
"What you're not eating? You bought all this food for me?"
"Umm.. no we're eating, but I think you have some explaining to do" said Fa6ma,
"Explaining what?" he said between bites, I was seriously confused, what the hell was going on?
"You know, the flat situation"
"Noor, yeeby i5tech ga3deeha and come eat, Fa6ma sit down"
She reluctantly sat down and S3ood dumped some food on to her plate and she picked at it with her fork.
Uff, they're ruining my breakfast.
I put some food on my plate and decided to ignore the tense atmosphere and enjoy the delicate pastries I had bought,
"So.. yallah explain" said Fa6ma staring at S3ood,
"Explain what?"
"S3ood!! Explain why you're planning on torturing your brother and me by bringing him here!"
"I'm not torturing either of you! You're both stubborn idiots that need to realize that you both need eachother, and if the only way to do that is to drag the two of you and handcuff you together then YES I'll do it, so you see, this way is the least extreme, I'm only putting you two in the same building, 9a7 Noor?"
"Umm.. I hate to disagree with you Fa6oom, but he's right. You're miserable without him"
"NO! He hates me! Don't you see it?"
"He doesn't hate you. He needs you. When we went back home he was in miserable shape, he's still in miserable shape. He needed you, you didn't even bother calling him Fa6ma" he answered quietly,
"I.. I didn't think he.. I don't know how I can help S3ood" she whispered,
"You can help by being there for him. He loves you, he needs you."
"Then why was he so cold? Like I was an insect infront of him!"
"Because it killed him that he couldn't give his dying wife the one thing she wanted from him, his heart. Because you had it and she knew it, did you want him to flaunt it in front of her? And when she was gone he needed you, he went back home with the intention of coming back here as soon as possible, because he recognized the fact that you were the only one who could comfort him, but when you didn't call, you didn't ask about him, Fa6ma, he thought it was happening all over again, that you were letting him down. I know that you were a wreck and that you couldn't help him, but he doesn't, he needs to understand that not only does he need you, but you need him too. I'm not blaming you for not calling him, I know, I understand. Why do you think my mother kept calling you? She's worried about you, both of you. Ya Allah you two are so stubborn! Fa6ma stop running away from him, he's coming here, you love him, just face it!"
"Fa6ma, he's right" I whispered.
"So.. yallah explain" said Fa6ma staring at S3ood,
"Explain what?"
"S3ood!! Explain why you're planning on torturing your brother and me by bringing him here!"
"I'm not torturing either of you! You're both stubborn idiots that need to realize that you both need eachother, and if the only way to do that is to drag the two of you and handcuff you together then YES I'll do it, so you see, this way is the least extreme, I'm only putting you two in the same building, 9a7 Noor?"
"Umm.. I hate to disagree with you Fa6oom, but he's right. You're miserable without him"
"NO! He hates me! Don't you see it?"
"He doesn't hate you. He needs you. When we went back home he was in miserable shape, he's still in miserable shape. He needed you, you didn't even bother calling him Fa6ma" he answered quietly,
"I.. I didn't think he.. I don't know how I can help S3ood" she whispered,
"You can help by being there for him. He loves you, he needs you."
"Then why was he so cold? Like I was an insect infront of him!"
"Because it killed him that he couldn't give his dying wife the one thing she wanted from him, his heart. Because you had it and she knew it, did you want him to flaunt it in front of her? And when she was gone he needed you, he went back home with the intention of coming back here as soon as possible, because he recognized the fact that you were the only one who could comfort him, but when you didn't call, you didn't ask about him, Fa6ma, he thought it was happening all over again, that you were letting him down. I know that you were a wreck and that you couldn't help him, but he doesn't, he needs to understand that not only does he need you, but you need him too. I'm not blaming you for not calling him, I know, I understand. Why do you think my mother kept calling you? She's worried about you, both of you. Ya Allah you two are so stubborn! Fa6ma stop running away from him, he's coming here, you love him, just face it!"
"Fa6ma, he's right" I whispered.
My breakfast was officially ruined, but it did serve it's purpose.
We're staying in London this summer.
This will be one hell of a summer.
Oh God.
Until next time..
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