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Hello, My name is.. (27)

Dear Diary,
I'm going back to Doha next week, I can't believe I'm nearly done with my first semester! It's been great so far, Ok so I've been through an emotional rolercoaster with Ahmed, but other than that everything was fine, I made great friends and for that I'm grateful.
I'm going out for dinner with S3ood tonight.
Well, my sister is going out for dinner with S3ood and I'm tagging along, but still, I'll be there, with S3ood, having dinner. It still counts right?
My sister walked in on me yesterday while I was day dreaming,
"Penny for your thoughts"
"Haha bs penny fa6oom?"
"Yeah your thoughts are not that interesting, plus I already know what you're thinking of, or shall I say WHO you're thinking of"
"La wallah?"
"Yeah.. so my S3ood is your S3ood ha?" she said laughing,
"He's not my S3ood"
"Why do you sound so sad? Do you want him to be your S3ood?"
"What? It's ok you can tell me. I won't judge, I know S3oodo is hot ilkalb hehehh"
"It's not funny"
"It is wallah" she kept giggling! It really isn't funny!
"It's not, ya3ny two weeks ago I was with another guy o ya za3am we were in love, and now I'm thinking about someone else! What the hell is this? Who am I?"
"Nooro why do you take life so seriously?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean why are you so harsh on yourself? You're 18 for God's sake, so you liked someone and you were with him for a couple of months, that was not a relationship. You don't like someone and immediately assume it'll be forever, you try it, it doesn't work out you move on."
"It's not that simple"
"It should be, you're at the age where not only are you getting to know people, you're getting to know yourself. You have to know what you want out of a relationship, what you want from your partner, and this is something you find out m3 il3eshra"
"Yeah but.."
"Noor I'm not telling you to turn into a slut and move from one guy to the other, what I'm saying is give yourself a break, get to know different people, don't throw yourself into the relationship. Just enjoy yourself, if things are meant to move forward in the right direction they will."
"Madry, I just feel guilty I guess"
"Well because Ahmed was jealous from S3ood from the beginning. Maybe I had feelings for him from day one, which is why I talked to him, I just tried to convince myself I was doing it for Dana"
"Yeah? and why is that a problem?"
"Noor Ahmed was your boyfriend, not your husband."
"Yeah bs ba3ad lazem ykoon feh some loyalty, ya3ny I'd be jealous if he goes and talks to random girls."
"Yeah that's true, but if you weren't happy in the relationship.."
"But I was Fa6oom, that's what I don't get.. he was everything I wanted, sweet, helpful, handsome.. stable, reliable"
"That's the problem. You're not used to stable and reliable. You can't live with that Noor, I know because I can't either. We need someone to keep us on our toes, not someone we can be relaxed about"
"That's sick Fa6oom.."
"Yeah, we are sick people, face it 7abeebty.. our parents didn't help much in that department." Oh by the way my parents left last week, I think they had enough of our "bonding".
"Really? So what.. I sabotage a healthy relationship to be happy?"
"Well.. that's what I did"
"And were you happy?"
"No. But I wasn't happy in the stable relationship either. I felt suffocated"
"I felt that way with Ahmed too.."
"See.. so you have the family curse too." she said as she got up to leave the room, then she looked back at me and said, "by the way, S3ood is not bad.. he might actually be good for you"
Am I really like that?
And what does she mean he might be good for me?
I'll keep you updated.
Until next time..