Mirror.. (3)

I woke up feeling refreshed, I slept well last night thinking of Talal and our date. Smiling I picked up my phone to see if I had any messages from him. Sure enough, there was,

Talal: Will I see you today?
I quickly typed in my response:
7ala: Sorry 7abeeby, I don’t think so.

I jumped off the bed and went to the bathroom to get changed, 10 minutes later I checked on my phone to see if he’s sent me any messages; nothing.

You know, I really don’t like to be ignored, he’s supposed to beg me to see him, when I say no I expect him to try for an hour to convince me, then I’ll be convinced and go meet him and pretend to be upset because he forced me to come. But for him to take no as a final answer? That was unacceptable.

I quickly dialled Saif’s number; he knows how to lift my spirits in one word.
“Alooo”
“9ba7 ilward”
“Hi”
“Hmm.. so? Tell me, why are you upset today?”
“Shdarak iny upset?”
“You keep forgetting that I know you too well 7ala”
“No you don’t” I whispered,

Sometimes I feel guilty when I talk to Saif, I do care about him really, and I know he loves me but sometimes just for a short moment, I wish I deserved his love, I wish I was the person he thought I was, and that I was worthy of being on the pedestal he put me up on.

“Of course I do, you’re my 7ala”
“Hmm..”
“So tell me? What is it this time?”
“Nothing. I just missed you” I answered, and I meant it, you see I do love him, I really do. For the past two years he has been the only constant in my life. Guys come and go, but Saif has always been there, sometimes I forget about him for a few months, when I meet someone new, but when that someone lets me down, it’s always Saif’s shoulders that I fall back on. I wonder sometimes, why he cares about me, I mean I don’t have anything special to give him, other than my looks, and you know what the weird thing is? He has never seen me.

That’s a shocker right?

Maybe I should explain how I ‘met’ Saif. A friend of mine knows his family from summer vacations a long time ago, they basically met one summer in a European country, the two families hit it off and have been vacationing together ever since. To make a long story short, this girl is my best friend, my soul mate, she believed that Saif would be good for me, he’d make me stable she said, so one night, during one of our sleepovers she managed to convince me to add him on BBM. Of course he ignored me in the beginning because well, lots of girls tend to add him since he’s who he is; rich, handsome, well educated and extremely successful, so being me, I found this a challenge and I love challenges, it took me sometime but I managed to become an important part of his life, just as he became an important part of mine.

He became my Saif and I became his 7ala; everyday started and ended with a message from him, he knew every detail of my life and my friends’ lives, they even have to mention his name when they tell me a secret, “Don’t tell anyone 7ala, 7elfy! Not even Saif”.

I was his everything and he was my best friend.

I wish I deserved this love Saif, I really do.

“Tell me 7ala”
“Tell you what?”
“What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing is bothering me”
“You sighed four times since the beginning of the conversation, don’t tell me it’s because you love me too much”
“Heheh no it’s not, bs it’s nothing wallah, I’m just being silly,” I said, tears suddenly dropping from my eyes, this guilt thing really sucks.
“Shhh 7abeeby, it’s ok, why are you crying? You know you can tell me anything”

Suddenly, I wished I could, I wished I could tell him about Talal and all the other guys, I wished I could say that they all mean nothing and that he was the only one I cared about, I wished but I knew that he would never forgive me, I wished I was the 7ala he loved, and not this egotistical girl that melts at the sound of a guy praising her beauty.

I wished that I deserved this gentleman that loved me for the real me.