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Hello, My name is.. (58)

Dear Diary,
I'm tired of being depressed and I'm tired of hiding. For the past week I have been going to uni and sneaking out as soon as I finish class to avoid bumping into Ahmed. Lunch last week was a disaster! I've always hated confrontation, maybe that's why I ignored Ahmed for so long, and now it backfired in my face! What do I do if I'm a stupid coward? Technically I don't blame Ahmed for hating me because as far as he's concerned, I'm the bitch who left him hanging and ran into another guy's arms, not that the other guy had his arms open, but that's not the point.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Noor.
Today, I was sneaking out of class as usual when I felt someone grab my arm,
"Umm oh hi Ahmed, sorry ma cheftek"
"I know, lo shefteeny chan you ran the other way"
"Hehe la shda3wa, why would I do that?" I said nervously,
"Ask your self"
"Hehe la I wouldn't do that shda3wa"
"Noor, can we talk?"
"Umm.. we're talking now?" Where's this coming from? Oh God, I can't take another bashing from him, the text he sent was more than enough.
"La I need to talk to you properly, let's go grab some coffee."
"I have to go home I have stuff to do"
"We'll be quick I promise"
"Aaah ok"
There's only so much I can do, so I reluctantly followed him out of uni and into the nearest starbucks we found. I sat patiently as he placed our orders and waited for them, five minutes later he was walking towards me with two steaming cups of coffee.
"Here you go" he said handing me my mug, and sitting down opposite me. He took a deep breath and looked somewhat nervous, like he had something to say and didn't know how to start. He sat there staring at me for a few seconds,
"You stopped going to the gym." he said,
"Yeah, shdarak? Wait are you calling me fat?"
"Haha no! Bel3aks you've lost weight, la I know because I was hoping to see you, and when I didn't I asked your trainer and he said that you stopped going"
"Oh, yeah" Hoping to see me? Why? Wait, didn't he just hate me last week? When was the hoping done?
"You seem confused?" he asked,
"Haha am I that transparent? Honestly I am, last week you hated me, you sent me a nasty text, you literally kicked me when I was down and now you're inviting me for coffee and telling me that you were hoping to see me?"
"Oh, fair enough, yes you're right it is weird, Noor I don't hate you I never did, I guess I was hurt? I don't know honestly, all I know is that I never felt what I feel with you, you're great you made me happy when we're together, and seeing you, I just want it to work out between us, I don't know how to explain it, but all I know is that I care about you, a lot. But you kept things hanging, I didn't know where I stand."
"I know, and that's my fault, it's not fair to you that we didn't officially end things but it was pretty obvious wasn't it?"
"It was, but I was hoping that I could fix things, that's why I went to Doha in christmas, but you came back to London, I didn't even get a chance to talk to you."
"Yeah, well things were a bit tough at that time," I explained the whole, Fa6ma, 3abdallah and 3alya situation,
"And S3ood?" he said staring at me intently,
I sighed involuntarily,
"Ok no need to say anything, it was pretty obvious the other day anyway"
"There's nothing between us!"
"If you say so" he said sarcasticly,
"I don't owe you any explanations Ahmed!"
"No you don't, but honestly, I always knew that something would happen between you two,"
"Ahmed wallah ma 9ar shay, you're make me feel like a two timing bitch!"
"Hahah la wallah mo qa9dy, I know that you didn't do anything wrong, whatever I accused you of earlier, if I did it was because I was jealous, not because I don't trust you, I know that you wouldn't do anything like that, and neither would S3ood, he's a good guy"
"Yeah well, nothing happened and nothing will ever happen." I said. We remained quiet for a few seconds,
"Do you know why I asked you to come here?" he asked,
"No, I was just thinking of that"
"I wanted to apologize, for being an ass,"
"Don't say that, you weren't.. I mean.. yeah.. no you weren't.."
"Hahah you can't say that I wasn't an ass? It's ok I know I was, but I think I'm ready to let go of my bitterness, and I just wanted to clear everything with you, I'm not saying I don't have feelings for you, because I still do, but I know that it won't work out with us. I think part of my frustration and jealousy came because I felt that you were not present in the relationship, like part of you was not there, I don't know how to explain it but I didn't feel secure."
"I'm sorry Ahmed," I said tearing up, that was so sweet of him to apologize, I seriously did not see that coming,
"So, can we be friends?" he asked,
"Of course," I said leaning over and giving him a quick hug,
"So, since we're friends, do you need a male perspective on anything?" he said laughing,
"Madry, I think I do, bs hay yabeelha ga3da," I said laughing. I do need a male perspective, maybe he can shed some light on why S3ood acts so weird, but I don't know how comfortable I'll feel discussing this with Ahmed, perhaps I need more time.
Ten minutes later I left starbucks feeling much lighter inside, I'm done with one burden, I can stop avoiding Ahmed atleast, now I only have to avoid S3ood, which shouldn't be difficult.
Until next time..