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Hello, My name is.. (31)

Dear Diary,
We reached the airport at 7:00, our flight was in an hour and as usual the airport was empty at that time. It took us 5 minutes to check in and soon after we were escorted to the airplane. I sat in my seat for the first few hours watching TV, but I was distracted, I kept looking at Fa6ma sitting by the window, crying, her tears just falling down her face, she was not sobbing, she was just staring with her eyes wide open and tears poured from her eyes. As soon as we got on the flight she took out her mo97af and started reading, she would stop every half an hour or so and start praying, her eyes closed and her hands facing upwards on her lap.
What was she praying for so badly?
Four hours into the flight I could not hold myself back any longer. I paused the movie I was watching and walked over to her seat. I sat on the tiny seat opposite her and put my hand on her lap,
"Fa6ma?... Fa6ma what's wrong?"
She opened her eyes and looked at me,
"Everything's wrong Noor, I don't know what to do. I don't even know if travelling was the right thing to do"
"Tell me what's wrong? Maybe I can help"
She shook her head, "No one can help. Kelshy byad Rab il3alameen"
"Fa6ma ga3da t5ar3eeny. Sh9ayer?" She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly,
"Remember the other day when we went out for dinner with S3ood?" Of course, how could I not? I nodded,
"He was rude delibrately" Kan wa'6e7, I thought. I kept quiet because I really had no idea how this dinner could be related to the disaster she's been crying about for the past week, come to think of it, she's been crying since that day.
"Mub 3ashan shay Noor, but he wanted to talk to me about something and he didn't think it was appropriate to discuss it infront of you."
"What was that?"
"Well.. 3abdallah's wife is sick. Really sick."
"What's wrong with her?"
"She has cancer. It started a year after they got married, at first they thought they can manage it, but a month ago the doctor told them that the medication is not working and that it has reached an advanced stage."
"Bas medicine is advancing everyday! There must be something they could do"
"No. They tried everything. She's been fighting it for three years, and now they said it's terminal. There's nothing they could do! Noor she's MY AGE!" she couldn't continue because she started sobbing again, I hugged her tight and tried to calm her down, once her breathing slowed down a bit I moved away and gave her some water so she could continue.
"I don't know what to do Noor" she whispered,
"What can you do Fa6oom? Mithel ma gelty kilshy byad Allah"
"She wants to see me"
"WHAT? Why?"
"She told S3ood to find me, she told him a long time ago, but after 3abdallah got married I changed all my numbers, my emails.. everything. I didn't want anything to remind me of him. So S3ood couldn't reach me. Until that day, when I saw him. I shouldn't have come to London in the first place" she said shaking her head again.
"But what would she want from you?"
"I don't know.. but I just feel so.. guilty."
"Why Fa6oom inty shda5elach? Ya3ny since he got married you were completely out of his life!"
"Yes, but in the beginning I prayed.. I prayed so hard that he comes back to me.. I missed him.." I could barely hear her now, I held her hand tightly,
"Fa6ma it's not your fault, ya3ny inty ma temanaiteelha ilshar"
"Eee bs temanaita uhwa.. I didn't think of her.. I only thought of her as the person who took my 3abdallah.. Noor ma de3ait 3alaiha bs de3ait ina uhwa ykoon ly.. I didn't think of how or why.. all I knew is that my life has stopped after 3abdallah.. it's like I've been alive but not alive.. I tried wallah I tried to get over him bs ma gedart.. o hy shthanbha? She didn't know about me.. She shouldn't know about me! I always thought of her as the other woman but in reality.. I am. He's no longer mine, he's hers, no matter what happens he'll always be hers.."
We reached Heathrow on time, it took us half an hour to get through security and collect our luggage. We walked out of the terminal to find S3ood standing at the arrivals gate, as soon as he saw us he smiled, Fa6ma ran to him and hugged him and I just stood a few steps away with our luggage feeling awkward and out of place. He looked at me and just nodded in acknowledgment, then peeled Fa6ma slowly off him and looked at her directly,
"I just called the hospital now, 3alya is sleeping, so I'll take you home now to rest shway and then we'll go see her ok?"
He was talking to her like you would talk to a baby, trying to reassure her that things will be ok. She nodded in agreement and he held her close as they walked towards the exit and I followed them quietly.
I don't know what will happen, but..
Until next time..