Hello, My name is.. (23)

Dear Diary,

My head is throbbing, my body's shaking.. what the hell did I do?

After my argument with Ahmed yesterday I called my friends and went over to Juju's flat to tell them what happened, with my dad and with Ahmed. All the girls said that I did the right thing and they were shocked that Ahmed wasn't understanding, I mean I was being married off to my cousin, what brought S3ood up?

Just as I was starting to feel calmer, while the girls were giving me a group hug it dawned me, maybe this was karma kicking me in the ass? I broke Dana's heart over Ahmed, someone she had been in love with forever, maybe this was what I deserved, that he turns out to be judgemental and narrow minded, and ends up leaving me when I needed his support the most. So I started sobbing again, and turned to Dana to hug her tight,
"Danooo, I'm sooooo sorry"
"Why are you sorry 7abeebty?" she said frowning,
"La2ana I took Ahmed from you and broke your heart, only to end up like this!" and I continued sobbing,
"Awwww Nooroo, I can't beleive you're this nice, thinking of me when you're in so much shit, come here" she said hugging me again, "honestly, I should thank you for taking Ahmed away from me, you opened my eyes to so many things"
"What do you mean?" Noureya, the nosey one as usual,
"Well, I didn't mention anything earlier because nothing really happened, but remember Fahad, Ahmed's friend?"
We all nodded.
"Well we're kind of together now, and.."
"Ohhhhh I'm so happy for you!" 3aysha jumped up and hugged Dana,
"Thanks," she said blushing, "he didn't say anything I just have a feeling, ya3ny lama7 shway bs nothing officially yet, and he was the one who encouraged me to open my mind and go out with you guys, to see how you really are, he said give them a chance and you might really like them, and I did. Ya3ny I don't know how I managed to live here as long as I did without you guys"
"Ohhhhh Dano!!" and I started sobbing again.

All that crying is not helping that headache. I'm really happy for Dana, she turned out to be a decent girl and we misjudged her, I'm glad she became our friend.

"What about Ahmed?" Muneera asked Dana, "can you talk to him?"
"NO! I don't want anyone to talk to him!! Don't you DARE call him! Not any one of you!" I yelled at all of them, "You didn't see the look on his face, like he really hated me!"
"Noor 7abeebty, you don't understand what the word father means to Ahmed, bear in mind he's never had a father so to him this is something sacred.."
"Yeah Dana but that's no excuse, ya3ny he heard what her father was saying! Plus he doesn't know her father, I DO! o zain sawat feh, maybe this will be his wake up call!" 7abeebty Juju, always there to defend me.

That was when I got the call.

My father had a heart attack.

I think I killed my father.

So I deserve Ahmed's contempt.

How can I ever forgive myself if something happened to him?

My head is throbbing, my body's shaking and my heart is being ripped into a million pieces.

Until next time..