Dear Diary,
I left to the hospital with Fa6ma as soon as S3ood called and said he was on the way. When we reached they were not there yet and 3alya was sleeping, so we sat in the waiting area. Half an hour later the twins walked in together with an elegant older woman who looked like them. She was slim and tall, she had elegant grey hair, done up under her lose shaila, was wearing a lose fit pant suit and carrying her mink coat on her arm. S3ood was holding her shoulder and 3abdallah walked in sulking behind the two of them, obviously not liking that we were there.
As soon as they walked in I pulled Fa6ma to her feet and walked over to them to say hello, the resemblence between mother and sons was striking, she had the same piercing black eyes and sharp nose, but she had a kinder smile and her face looked much more approachable than both her sons, to be honest the twins both scared and confused me equally. I kissed the mother on both cheeks and exchanged formalities while all the time she was sneaking looks at Fa6ma who was standing behind me, obviously knowing who she is. I grabbed Fa6ma from her hand and pulled her to kiss the mother,
"Fa6ma 9a7?"
My sister nodded,
"Inty tedreseen hne m3 S3ood?"
Quiet, I stepped in to answer on my sister's behalf,
"La 5alty, ana i5et'ha Noor, ana adres hne Fa6ma yaya 3ashan.."
"Yaity mn ildo7a 3ashan 3alya?" she asked obviously surprised, didn't her sons tell her?
Fa6ma lifted her head and looked at her confused,
"Ee 3alya kanat taby..."
"I know 3alya taby.. mashallah 3alaich.. you left everything 3ashan etyeen 7ag 3alya?" she said with a kind smile as she patted Fa6ma's shoulder,
"3an ithenkum baroo7 ashoof itha 3alya gamat" he said ubruptly and left the room,
"Ma 3alaich minna yumma, he's going through a tough time," my sister could no longer control herself and so she burst into tears, 5alty Mariam, their mother quickly pulled her into her arms and rubbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down by reciting a few verses of the Quraan as she stroked her hair slowly. I sat down watching the two of them, not knowing what to do, everyone was so distraught and there's nothing any one of us can do except pray that this miserable situation ends as soon as possible, but how can it end? The only way it will is by 3alya... asta'3for Allah I thought to myself as my vision blurred with tears. I covered my face with my hands and took deep breaths to calm myself down. My sister needs me, we can't both be emotional wrecks, I have to be strong for her. I sensed someone sitting next to me, but I didn't want to look up, I just wanted to close my eyes and concentrate on imagining that I was sunbathing on a deserted island so I could push all this sadness away, but his voice brought me back to reality,
"Would you like me to get you some coffee?"
S3ood.
I shook my head without moving my hands away from my face,
"Ok, would you like to drink anything else?"
Again I shook my head with my face still covered, I felt his hand on mine as he pulled one hand slowly off my face and used the other hand to turn my face towards him. I still had one hand covering half my face, but I could tell that he saw the confused look in my one uncovered eye,
"I'm sorry I was rude to you the other day at dinner, I needed to talk to Fa6ma, I didn't think you would understand"
"Yes, because you think I'm a baby.."
He looked taken aback,
"I didn't.. I don't think.."
"You don't know me.."
"No I don't.. but what do you expect me to think when I'm talking to you and you have half your face covered with your hand and you're looking at me with one big eye?" he said smiling. I laughed and removed my other hand off my face,
"is that better?"
"Much better."
"I understand why you didn't want me there. It's ok you didn't need to apologize"
"No I did.. ya3ny I thought you were a baby because technically you are. You're only 18, but you proved me wrong, you're standing by your sister and that's what matters."
"She needs me" I said turning around and looking at my sister huddled in 5alty Mariam's arms,
"She does. And 3abdallah needs her. He might not show it but he does."
"Allah y3een.."
After that we all sat in silence, each one of us lost in their own thoughts. An hour later, the nurse walked in telling us that 3alya was awake and we could go in to see her. We went to the room and 3abdallah was already there, sitting on the bed next to his wife, the vision of the two of them together only highlighted how sick 3alya was, even though 3abdallah looked tired, next to her the contrast of his dark strong hands against her white, sickly skin was alarming. She was sitting in bed, her blankets were off, unlike last time and we could see how her delicate bones jutted under the lose clothes she was wearing. Seeing such a nice, young person suffer like this broke my heart, but as she said the other day, ma7ad yroo7 gabel youma. All we can do for her is pray.
"Hala 5alty, 7amdella 3ala ilsalama" she said smiling weakly, as 5alty Mariam bent over to kiss her cheeks,
"Allah ysalmech yumma, shlonich?"
"Il7imdilla" Fa6ma and I were lurking behind S3ood and his mother, feeling out of place,
"Fa6ma ta3aly ge3dy yammy, aby asolef ma3ach" 3abdallah put his arm around her shoulders as if protecting her from something as Fa6ma reluctantly walked towards the bed, 3alya patted the place on her bed opposite 3abdallah,
"ta3aly sit here, I want to see you properly"
3abdallah turned around and looked at his wife like she was crazy, as soon as Fa6ma sat on the bed he shot up from the bed and muttered,
"3an ithenkum baroo7 ashoof ildoctor" as he walked out of the room,
"3alya I shouldn't be here, your family they should be with you.."
"Fa6ma he needs you, itha uhwa 7mar lat9ereen 7mara mithla" she said giggling,
my sister smiled and answered, "I'm glad you're finding this funny, because I'm not."
"Hehehe but it is, chinkum mosalsal makseeky, mub 9a7 5alty?" she said looking at her aunt,
"Wallah inty ily msawya filim hindi" giggled Fa6ma, suddenly we were all laughing at the awkward situation.
"Fa6ma 9a7?"
My sister nodded,
"Inty tedreseen hne m3 S3ood?"
Quiet, I stepped in to answer on my sister's behalf,
"La 5alty, ana i5et'ha Noor, ana adres hne Fa6ma yaya 3ashan.."
"Yaity mn ildo7a 3ashan 3alya?" she asked obviously surprised, didn't her sons tell her?
Fa6ma lifted her head and looked at her confused,
"Ee 3alya kanat taby..."
"I know 3alya taby.. mashallah 3alaich.. you left everything 3ashan etyeen 7ag 3alya?" she said with a kind smile as she patted Fa6ma's shoulder,
"3an ithenkum baroo7 ashoof itha 3alya gamat" he said ubruptly and left the room,
"Ma 3alaich minna yumma, he's going through a tough time," my sister could no longer control herself and so she burst into tears, 5alty Mariam, their mother quickly pulled her into her arms and rubbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down by reciting a few verses of the Quraan as she stroked her hair slowly. I sat down watching the two of them, not knowing what to do, everyone was so distraught and there's nothing any one of us can do except pray that this miserable situation ends as soon as possible, but how can it end? The only way it will is by 3alya... asta'3for Allah I thought to myself as my vision blurred with tears. I covered my face with my hands and took deep breaths to calm myself down. My sister needs me, we can't both be emotional wrecks, I have to be strong for her. I sensed someone sitting next to me, but I didn't want to look up, I just wanted to close my eyes and concentrate on imagining that I was sunbathing on a deserted island so I could push all this sadness away, but his voice brought me back to reality,
"Would you like me to get you some coffee?"
S3ood.
I shook my head without moving my hands away from my face,
"Ok, would you like to drink anything else?"
Again I shook my head with my face still covered, I felt his hand on mine as he pulled one hand slowly off my face and used the other hand to turn my face towards him. I still had one hand covering half my face, but I could tell that he saw the confused look in my one uncovered eye,
"I'm sorry I was rude to you the other day at dinner, I needed to talk to Fa6ma, I didn't think you would understand"
"Yes, because you think I'm a baby.."
He looked taken aback,
"I didn't.. I don't think.."
"You don't know me.."
"No I don't.. but what do you expect me to think when I'm talking to you and you have half your face covered with your hand and you're looking at me with one big eye?" he said smiling. I laughed and removed my other hand off my face,
"is that better?"
"Much better."
"I understand why you didn't want me there. It's ok you didn't need to apologize"
"No I did.. ya3ny I thought you were a baby because technically you are. You're only 18, but you proved me wrong, you're standing by your sister and that's what matters."
"She needs me" I said turning around and looking at my sister huddled in 5alty Mariam's arms,
"She does. And 3abdallah needs her. He might not show it but he does."
"Allah y3een.."
After that we all sat in silence, each one of us lost in their own thoughts. An hour later, the nurse walked in telling us that 3alya was awake and we could go in to see her. We went to the room and 3abdallah was already there, sitting on the bed next to his wife, the vision of the two of them together only highlighted how sick 3alya was, even though 3abdallah looked tired, next to her the contrast of his dark strong hands against her white, sickly skin was alarming. She was sitting in bed, her blankets were off, unlike last time and we could see how her delicate bones jutted under the lose clothes she was wearing. Seeing such a nice, young person suffer like this broke my heart, but as she said the other day, ma7ad yroo7 gabel youma. All we can do for her is pray.
"Hala 5alty, 7amdella 3ala ilsalama" she said smiling weakly, as 5alty Mariam bent over to kiss her cheeks,
"Allah ysalmech yumma, shlonich?"
"Il7imdilla" Fa6ma and I were lurking behind S3ood and his mother, feeling out of place,
"Fa6ma ta3aly ge3dy yammy, aby asolef ma3ach" 3abdallah put his arm around her shoulders as if protecting her from something as Fa6ma reluctantly walked towards the bed, 3alya patted the place on her bed opposite 3abdallah,
"ta3aly sit here, I want to see you properly"
3abdallah turned around and looked at his wife like she was crazy, as soon as Fa6ma sat on the bed he shot up from the bed and muttered,
"3an ithenkum baroo7 ashoof ildoctor" as he walked out of the room,
"3alya I shouldn't be here, your family they should be with you.."
"Fa6ma he needs you, itha uhwa 7mar lat9ereen 7mara mithla" she said giggling,
my sister smiled and answered, "I'm glad you're finding this funny, because I'm not."
"Hehehe but it is, chinkum mosalsal makseeky, mub 9a7 5alty?" she said looking at her aunt,
"Wallah inty ily msawya filim hindi" giggled Fa6ma, suddenly we were all laughing at the awkward situation.
It's been a month since that day, Fa6ma and 3alya formed a type of bond. Fa6ma was always in the hospital with 3alya, even with 3abdallah there. She decided to be strong, for 3alya and for 3abdallah, even though he might not want her there, 3alya did and she decided that she will not dissapoint the sick woman who had so much faith in her. 5alty Mariam, S3ood and I would go to the hospital in shifts, while Fa6ma and 3abdallah were there all day. Fa6ma started reading to 3alya, different things, novels, poems, Quraan, depending on their mood. They would also sit for hours playing scrabble and 3abdallah would just sit watching the two of them together.
We all formed some sort of companionship, except for Fa6ma and 3abdallah, he ignored her presence even though he was nice to me. She decided that for 3alya's sake she will pretend that it does not hurt her and yet she cried herself to sleep everyday.
Ahmed sent me another message yesterday, telling me that he wanted to see me. I had completely forgotten about him, it was like he was from another life time. I answered saying that I was busy with family and that as soon as I can I would see him. I think that this is a chapter in my life that I should close, I owe that to myself.
Until next time..
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