Dear Diary,
S3ood came back carrying two bags filled with groceries and a box of pastries from Paul, when I saw him through the peep hole I suddenly felt a rush of emotions, what am I doing? I’m just playing around with my heart, he won’t change. Who was I fooling? He would never admit he has feelings for me, that is if he does have feelings for me.
I opened the door and let him in to the living room, he walked into the kitchen filling the fridge with all the stock he bought,
“Laish Kalaft 3ala roo7ek? Mala da3y I could’ve gone”
“You were cold,” he said smiling at me, why was he doing this to my heart? I can’t take this,
“E 3adi, ya3ny it’s January akeed I’ll be cold.”
“E bs malah da3y te6le3een if I can get your stuff”
“Maraddy ba6la3” I mumbled,
“Inty laish chee 3aneeda?”
“I’m not”
“You are. Inty baby 3aneeda”
“Stop calling me a baby” I yelled at him, for no reason but I was frustrated, why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden?
“What’s wrong Noor?” he said frowning and coming closer to me,
“Nothing’s wrong, uff.. I’m just.. madry..”
I turned around and walked to where he has left the pastries, I grabbed a croissant and bit into it,
“S3ood can you please get me a diet coke?”
“La”
“La wallah?”
“E mub zain lech” he said pouring a glass of orange juice, “juice a7san lech, good for you”
“Maby juice aby diet coke”
“Noor”
“I want diet coke what’s the problem?”
“Mub zain 3ala il9eb7!!”
“You’re not my father!”
“I never said I was, bs agoolech drink the orange juice”
“UFF! Maby! What part of maby don’t you understand?”
“It’s just orange juice! Drink it!”
“It’s just diet coke! Get over it!”
“Fine, have your coke” he said slamming the glass of juice on the table, “asta2then, I’ll see you later”
“S3ood don’t be a baby” I said putting my hand on his arm, he quickly pulled away,
“You’re being the baby, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I went and everything was fine, when I came back it was like you’re another person, Noor, I don’t want games, I don’t know how to play games, so if this is what you want then I think it’s better that I leave”
“I’m not playing games”
“No? Then would you mind explaining?”
“There’s nothing to explain”
“Ok then see you later,”
“S3ood!”
“Yes?” he said folding his arms and facing me,
“I don’t know how I feel” I whispered,
“What do you mean?”
“You heard me, you confuse me, when I see you a million feelings rush through my body and I don’t know what to do or how to act, I’ve humiliated myself enough in front of you so...”
“You never humiliated yourself Noor, don’t say that..”
“I did. I asked you to marry me and you walked away, how much more humiliating can it get?”
“Noor,” he whispered pulling me into his arms, “I’m so sorry”
“Don’t be, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I stayed away not because I hate you like you thought, it’s because of the opposite,” I said, pushing him away,
“Noor, I feel the same way you do”
“What?”
“Yes, but I have a lot of issues that I have to deal with, and this is something I have to do alone, and until I do that, I can’t be with you, but trust me that I mean what I’m saying and that I can’t stay away from you, I tried believe me I tried. I don’t want to hurt you, I would die before I see you getting hurt, and the thought of you being in pain because of me kills me, but I can’t help it”
“So what do you expect me to do? Pretend that we’re friends?”
“No”
“Then what?”
“Tell me that you love me and that you’ll wait for me”
I stared at him, in bewilderment, there’s no other word to describe how I felt, he’s asking me to wait? What is that supposed to mean?
“Noor?”
“Yes?”
“Will you?”
Would I? Could I?
“I don’t know”
“Noor”
“Yes?”
“Please say yes..”
“I don’t know” I said shaking my head,
“Think about it?”
“About what?”
“What I said?”
“Think about putting my life on hold while you sort out your issues? What if you sort them out and then find someone else better suited to the new you?”
“That would never happen”
“You don’t know! You think I don’t have issues? You know Fa6ma, you know what kind of family I come from! You think I’m a carefree person? Well guess what? I’m not! But when I’m in love with someone I expect them to share my issues with me”
“Noor I can’t put you through this, our relationship won’t be perfect and you deserve perfection”
“Awalan you don’t know unless you try, thaneyan no relationship is perfect”
“Noor”
“S3ood 5ala9, I don’t want to keep asking you to be with me.. I’m tired and..”
“Laish Kalaft 3ala roo7ek? Mala da3y I could’ve gone”
“You were cold,” he said smiling at me, why was he doing this to my heart? I can’t take this,
“E 3adi, ya3ny it’s January akeed I’ll be cold.”
“E bs malah da3y te6le3een if I can get your stuff”
“Maraddy ba6la3” I mumbled,
“Inty laish chee 3aneeda?”
“I’m not”
“You are. Inty baby 3aneeda”
“Stop calling me a baby” I yelled at him, for no reason but I was frustrated, why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden?
“What’s wrong Noor?” he said frowning and coming closer to me,
“Nothing’s wrong, uff.. I’m just.. madry..”
I turned around and walked to where he has left the pastries, I grabbed a croissant and bit into it,
“S3ood can you please get me a diet coke?”
“La”
“La wallah?”
“E mub zain lech” he said pouring a glass of orange juice, “juice a7san lech, good for you”
“Maby juice aby diet coke”
“Noor”
“I want diet coke what’s the problem?”
“Mub zain 3ala il9eb7!!”
“You’re not my father!”
“I never said I was, bs agoolech drink the orange juice”
“UFF! Maby! What part of maby don’t you understand?”
“It’s just orange juice! Drink it!”
“It’s just diet coke! Get over it!”
“Fine, have your coke” he said slamming the glass of juice on the table, “asta2then, I’ll see you later”
“S3ood don’t be a baby” I said putting my hand on his arm, he quickly pulled away,
“You’re being the baby, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I went and everything was fine, when I came back it was like you’re another person, Noor, I don’t want games, I don’t know how to play games, so if this is what you want then I think it’s better that I leave”
“I’m not playing games”
“No? Then would you mind explaining?”
“There’s nothing to explain”
“Ok then see you later,”
“S3ood!”
“Yes?” he said folding his arms and facing me,
“I don’t know how I feel” I whispered,
“What do you mean?”
“You heard me, you confuse me, when I see you a million feelings rush through my body and I don’t know what to do or how to act, I’ve humiliated myself enough in front of you so...”
“You never humiliated yourself Noor, don’t say that..”
“I did. I asked you to marry me and you walked away, how much more humiliating can it get?”
“Noor,” he whispered pulling me into his arms, “I’m so sorry”
“Don’t be, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I stayed away not because I hate you like you thought, it’s because of the opposite,” I said, pushing him away,
“Noor, I feel the same way you do”
“What?”
“Yes, but I have a lot of issues that I have to deal with, and this is something I have to do alone, and until I do that, I can’t be with you, but trust me that I mean what I’m saying and that I can’t stay away from you, I tried believe me I tried. I don’t want to hurt you, I would die before I see you getting hurt, and the thought of you being in pain because of me kills me, but I can’t help it”
“So what do you expect me to do? Pretend that we’re friends?”
“No”
“Then what?”
“Tell me that you love me and that you’ll wait for me”
I stared at him, in bewilderment, there’s no other word to describe how I felt, he’s asking me to wait? What is that supposed to mean?
“Noor?”
“Yes?”
“Will you?”
Would I? Could I?
“I don’t know”
“Noor”
“Yes?”
“Please say yes..”
“I don’t know” I said shaking my head,
“Think about it?”
“About what?”
“What I said?”
“Think about putting my life on hold while you sort out your issues? What if you sort them out and then find someone else better suited to the new you?”
“That would never happen”
“You don’t know! You think I don’t have issues? You know Fa6ma, you know what kind of family I come from! You think I’m a carefree person? Well guess what? I’m not! But when I’m in love with someone I expect them to share my issues with me”
“Noor I can’t put you through this, our relationship won’t be perfect and you deserve perfection”
“Awalan you don’t know unless you try, thaneyan no relationship is perfect”
“Noor”
“S3ood 5ala9, I don’t want to keep asking you to be with me.. I’m tired and..”
And he kissed me.
After what seemed like an eternity he pulled away from me, I felt dizzy, breathless and elated,
“Shhhh... t3arfeen tesketeen?” he whispered into my hair, crushing me against his chest, I nodded, not knowing what to say.
“I love you, please wait for me” he said, kissing me on my head and he left the apartment.
What is this supposed to mean?
Until next time..
“Shhhh... t3arfeen tesketeen?” he whispered into my hair, crushing me against his chest, I nodded, not knowing what to say.
“I love you, please wait for me” he said, kissing me on my head and he left the apartment.
What is this supposed to mean?
Until next time..
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