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Hello, My name is.. (28)

Dear Diary,
Dinner with S3ood was a disaster. I mentally kicked myself in the butt once every minute for the first hour, and the more time I spent the higher the frequency of the kicking got.
I was really looking forward to this dinner, so I decided to dress up. I got out a new dress I had bought, the perfect shoes and had just started curling my hair when my sister walked in,
"Ha achoofech ga3da tet3adelain?"
"La tet6anezain Fa6oom, it's not like you're in your gym clothes!"
"Heheh e bs ana S3ood is only my friend" she said, winking. Ugh I can't believe my sister!
"Shqa9dech Fa6oom? 3adi ya3ny I'm just going out with you and your friend"
"hahah ok ok, don't get defensive!"
"I'm not being defensive! Why would I?"
"Whatever, anyway S3ood is a good guy so I'm not worried about you"
"Really? I mean.. why would I care if he was good or bad? 3adi ya3ny so what he's only your friend and I probably won't see him when you leave"
"Noooroooooo.. mub 3alay hal7arakat"
"Fa6oom tell me more about him.. what do you mean he's a good guy? How do you know him a9lan?"
"Well.. it's a long story.." her tone of voice changed, I could tell that she was about to talk about a sensitive subject, so I put down my curling iron and faced her.
"I'm listening.. unless you don't want to talk about it then it's ok"
"La la it's ok.. I guess it was a long time ago fa 3adi.. S3ood was my ex's brother"
"I met 3abdallah on my first day of uni, he was two years older than me.."
"So is S3ood.. shlon.."
"They were twins.. identical. When I saw S3ood the other day my heart nearly stopped, but then I realised it was S3ood. They look exactly the same to strangers, but I knew 3abdallah's face like the back of my hand, sometimes if I close my eyes I can still see him in front of me.." my sister's eyes were glistening with tears, I wanted to get up and hug her but I knew there was more, she needed to talk about this, so I sat down and let her.
"We were inseperable from the first day, we were friends in the beginning, part of a big group.. girls and guys, but to me 3abdallah was different, he was my 3abdallah, he was the person I'd call if I had a bug in my flat, he was the person to stay up all night with me when I had the flu, he even bought my pain killers when I got my period. He was my guy. I depended on him for everything, he was my everything. I didn't realise I had fallen in love with him in the beginning until he told me he loved me. It was just before christmas holidays, he told me and I laughed in his face. Then I yelled at him and told him he was ruining our friendship. I went back to Doha and stopped talking to him for two weeks.. Do you know what he did?" she looked at me smiling, but tears were streaming down her face, I nodded in denial so she would continue, "he came to Doha, and he called me but I wouldn't answer. I hated him for ruining our so called friendship, so I decided to punish him."
"What happened later? How did you get together?"
"He waited for me Noor. He told me that he'll always be there, waiting. He told me that he will never let me down, and that no matter what happens he will always be my 3abdallah, and I believed him." By now we were both crying, I didn't know what to say, she wiped the tears off her face, "After christmas I went back to DC and I realised that I'm not me without him. I had an epiphany when I found a spider in my bathroom and didn't know what to do, that's when I realised that I loved him, that I can't be without him, because he knew me as I really was, he accepted all my flaws, he loved me for me, he knew what I wanted before I even realised it, he completed my sentences, he knew me even more than I knew myself. Being with him was like looking at yourself in the mirror, you always see the truth in you."
"So how did you break up?"
"On his graduation day he proposed.."
"So what? my parents.."
"No. I said no. I said I was too young, told him I wanted to live my life. I pushed him away Noor. I threw my 3abdallah away" by now she was barely whispering, millions of thoughts were racing through my mind, how can I help her? How can I get her her 3abdallah back?
"Did you try.." I started, and she shook her head,
"S3ood graduated a semester after him, S3ood was also a good friend, he's a great guy honestly, even though he might give off the bad boy vibe, it's only because of what he's been through, deep down he's still a good guy. He was the one who came and yelled at me for breaking his brother's heart. This was 2 months after 3abdallah and I broke up, 3abdallah was already back in AD and had started working when S3ood came and yelled at me. I think it was my wake up call, but it was too late."
"What? Why?"
"Because on the same day 3abdallah melach 3ala wa7da mn ahalhum. S3ood didn't even know, 3abdallah wa9a his family that S3ood doesn't find out until after the melcha, he knew S3ood would talk him out of it and that he'd try to get us back together.."
"Oh my God he's so stubborn!"
"Yeah, that's my 3abdallah" she whispered smiling,
"Ok so what lo melach? Ya3ny uhwa mub awal wala a5er wa7ed yenfe9el!"
"You don't know 3abdallah. He's too much of a gentleman to leave his wife, that's not him.. you know what hurts the most? It's that I was stupid, all through our relationship I pushed the limits, I always tested him, tested his promise that he will always be there for me, I did random things just to piss him off, I picked fights, I would do something wrong and then arakbah uhwa il'3ala6 o he ends up apologizing for what I did, he proved to me time and time again that he is there for me. To me saying no to his proposal was just another test, I didn't realise it at the time, but subconsiously I thought that it's ok, because he will always be there waiting for me, but this time I had gone too far. 3abdallah was no longer my 3abdallah."
"O S3ood was the one who told you?"
"Yes. I kept calling 3abdallah for 2 weeks and he didn't answer me, except once he answered by mistake, I could hear him breathing on the other side I knew he was listening, I begged him just to let me hear his voice but he wouldn't speak. For half an hour I cried and he listened, until I got too tired and hung up. That was the last time I called 3abdallah. The next day S3ood came over and told me what happened. That was when I knew that I was the stupidest person on Earth, because I will never find another 3abdallah, I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Fa6oom I'm so sorry.. maybe we shouldn't go out with S3ood.. you know ya3ny 3ashan ma ythakrech feh.."
"Laa Nooro, wallah I'm fine now, it was a long time ago, 3adi wallah. You both deserve the best. That was why I told you that that Ahmed guy was not the right person for you, love doesn't come with rules and measurements, you have to accept the person you're with with all their flaws, and a person who loves you will stand by you no matter what, I told you about 3abdallah because I wanted to you know that this is what love is, he stood by me even though I let him down over and over again, Ahmed let go of you at the first incident that you needed him in.."
"Yeah.. I'm over that though.."
"S3ood will be good for you.. he's a good guy" she said getting up.
"Wait tell me about S3ood.."
"Well, he's gorgeous as you can see.." she giggled, "I have good taste 9a7?"
"Well S3ood gives off this bad boy image, but for the first year we were in DC I didn't see him with a single girl and it always made me wonder, until 3abdallah told me that he has been in love with their cousin practically since the day she was born. She was three years younger than the twins, and since the day they can remember S3ood kan 7ag Meera o Meera 7ag S3ood. So it made sense that he was single, he never went clubbing, he was a home person, ya3ny we hung out with him only lama kinna netyama3 fe ilbyoot, until one day we heard that S3ood dropped the semester and had been sleeping at home for the past two weeks. It turned out that Meera fell in love with her friend's brother and was getting engaged to him. It broke his heart. From that day S3ood withdrew into himself, 3abdallah and I didn't know how to deal with him. For the first few days he wouldn't talk to anyone, he just stared at her pictures, it was like a bad Egyption movie, only what was sad was that it was true. Eventually he got over it, but I think deep down it did leave a scar."
"Miskeen S3ood.."
"Kelena misakeen"
She excused herself to go get changed, and left me staring at my face in the mirror, wondering what the future holds for me.
An hour later we were sitting at the restaurant waiting for S3ood to come, we sat opposite each other, which left an empty chair next to each of us, I put my handbag on the chair next to me assuming that S3ood will sit next to my sister. He came five minutes later, ignored me and walked over to Fa6oom and hugged her, he then walked back to my side of the table, I was preparing myself for at least a handshake and all I got was a nod and a grunt. What was worse is that he pulled the chair next to me, eyed my fuschia pink croc clutch with what I can only describe as disgust and threw it across the table to Fa6ma asking her to put it on the chair next to her so he could sit down.
The evening went downhill from there, he COMPLETELY phased me out! Fa6ma tried to include me in the conversation, but everytime she would ask me something he would change the subject and talk about people I don't know!
Half way through dinner I excused myself and went to the bathroom, sent an sms to Fa6ma telling her that I'm heading home because I got my period. It was too much for me, I couldn't take it. I don't care if the love of his life left him, and I don't care how nice my sister insists he is, I don't see that, I don't see that at all! I think he only got what he deserves! No wonder she left him if this is how he treated her!
Uff 9ij YEQHAR!
Until next time..