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Mirror.. (9)

I spent the rest of the day with my friend and her family, and yes cousin Mohammed was there. He seemed like a nice person, but my heart was already occupied by someone else; Saif. 
Talal kept calling me throughout the day and somehow in a blink of an eye I felt completely over him. It was like spending time with Saif had opened my eyes; I was in love with him, and all the playing around was because I was scared, I was afraid of committing to him, but now that I realise it, now that I’ve begun to register this, I felt that there was nothing to be afraid of; I was in love.
I didn’t see Saif before he left, but I promised that I was going to try to visit Dubai some way or another, just to see him, and that I will spend all my time with him, he will have my undivided attention.
I headed to the airport with a heavy heart, I was going to miss my friends, but mostly I would miss Saif, for some reason telephone conversations don’t seem to be enough now, I wanted to be with him, to be held by him and be loved by him.
Should I mention the relationship to him? No, that would seem too desperate right? Or maybe not, I mean he loves me, and I love him. We’re both in the marriage age, he’s been working for a few years and doing very well. I chose not to work after graduation because, well, firstly I don’t need to, and secondly to be honest I’m too lazy. I always wanted to do something on my own, establish my own thing but never got round to it, my dad says that I’m not focused and that it’s a waste because I could do great things; well he’s my dad, he’s meant to believe that.
A short flight later I was back in Doha. 
I love travelling, I love being abroad, but nothing beats the feeling you get when you touch down in Doha, the lights seem brighter, the colours more vivid, even the traffic seems more tolerable in Doha. Every time I arrive in Doha, as soon as I leave the airplane I take in a deep breath and close my eyes; in that single breath I can smell the sea, the sand and the distinct smell of Doha. 
Home is always the best place on Earth.
An hour later I was safely nestled between my mother’s arms, my head lying on her shoulder as she hugged me tightly, as if holding a baby. I was the youngest in the family, so obviously I was the spoilt one, I always got what I wanted, when I wanted it. My parents travel a lot, so they try to compensate for their absence with over indulging me and my brothers and sisters, which we don’t mind honestly.
“Inty ma tekbereen 3ala hal7arakat?” laughed my brother when he saw me in my mother’s arms,
“Int sh7areg galbek?” I said sticking my tongue out at him,
“7imdilla welsheker, yahel yahel” he said shaking his head and leaving me and my mum alone,
“7ala yumma,”
“Ha mama”
“Ilyoum kalematny 5altech Mariam,” 5alty Mariam was Dalal’s mum, who was also friends with my mother,
“5air?” I said frowning, my mum had this happy, serious look on her face, I think I knew where this was going bs kilish mub wagta.
“Tgool ina fe 7ad se2al 3anech lama kinty hnak”
“Tgool inich chefteeh?”
“Men?” I knew who it was, but seriously? He only saw me twice and he wants to get married?
“Weld i5et’ha.. isma M7amed?”
“E chefta, o ba3dain?” I said pulling away from her,
“Ana gelt laha ina betfakreen o benred 3alaiha, bs inty i5thy wagtech, la testa3yelain, o ba3dain gelt laha lazem tet3arefon 3ala ba3a’6...”
“Ay net3araf mama min 9ijich? Ana maby atzawaj!”
“Laish 5air inshallah? Laish ma tetzawejain?”
“Bas maby!!” I yelled storming out of the living room and running to my room.
Saif: I miss you already :*
I quickly dialled his number when I found his message,
“Hi 7abeeby”
“What’s wrong?”
“Tell me..”
“My mum..”
“What did she do this time?”
“She wants me to get married, it’s like she wants to get rid of me or something..”
“Don’t say that, every mother wants to see her kids happy”
“Yes, and marriage is not what makes me happy, at least not to random people” I rattled on,
“Hmm.. laish fe 7ad?”
Should I tell him?
“7ala? Fe 7ad?” he continued,
“Hmm.. Dalal’s cousin saw me at the wedding and he wants to propose”
He kept quiet for a few seconds, I could hear him breathing deeply,
“Is he good?”
What? Why is he asking me that?
“Umm.. I guess.. I don’t know him, bs Dalool temde7a”
“Then think about it” he said quietly, his voice was barely audible, so I thought I heard him wrong, was he telling me to consider someone else, someone that wasn’t him?
“You want me to think about marrying him?”
“If he’s good..” he started, I cut him off immediately,
“What about us? What about you and me?”
“Saif? What are you trying to say?” I said, I felt my voice starting to quiver as tears started dropping down my face,
“7ala you know I can’t marry out of the family, let alone out of the country” he continued,
“No I didn’t know. You’re telling me now.” I whispered,
“7ala I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you..”
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you started talking about love” I said coldly,
“I do love you, 7ala I do, but this is my family, I can’t marry out of my family”
“Because int weld nas o ana aish?”
“Don’t say that, anyone would be proud to be part of your family”
“Yes, anyone but you apparently” I said sarcastically,
“Don’t.. 5ala9.. mafy da3y tgool shay thany.. I get the picture..”
“7ala ana aby ma9la7tech..”
“No you don’t. You’re just trying to find a way to get out of this, fine, I’m giving you a way out Saif, you don’t have to marry me off to ease your conscience, so I will end this now”
“7ala.. don’t do this..”
“I didn’t do anything.. you did.. and don’t worry, I’m ok, you don’t need to feel guilty or anything, as you said, anyone would be proud to be a part of my family, so if it wasn’t Mohammed, it’ll be someone else, sooner or later. It was good to see you Saif, honestly, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing you again”
“7ala please..”
“Goodbye Saif” I said hanging up, and switching off my phone.
Why is it that I have so much drama in my life?
That night, I sobbed myself to sleep. That night was the first night in a very long time that his voice was not the voice wishing me a good night, and it won’t be the first thing I hear when I wake up the next morning.