Hello, My name is.. (51)

Dear Diary,

Am I doing the right thing by leaving?

What does 3abdallah mean by saying S3ood likes me? Is it possible? Or is he just saying that so I stay?

I sat contemplating all this surrounded by a pile of clothes on the floor, debating on what I should take with me to Paris. I need a break, I need to be away from all the drama, away from S3ood, 3abdallah, the family problems, away from London and everything that it holds. It's weird how much you can grow up in one year, I've been through a lot during this year and not only do I need this break, but I deserve it.

Fa6ma walked in to find me day dreaming on the floor,
"Ha? Are you ok?"
"Yeah.. I think so.." I said smiling as I looked up at her, she looks so good, she's put on some of the weight she'd lost during the year, but it wasn't that, what made her so beautiful was the happiness shining in her eyes. Her love for 3abdallah. I wanted that, I want to love and be loved, not to love and watch the man I love being manipulated by a cold hearted bitch.

I have to leave, I can't watch her playing with his heart again.

"Nooro are you ok?"
"Ha? Yeah laish?"
"Madry tana7ty feeny and you looked so sad"
"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"
"Honestly?"
"Yeah"
"Yes you are. I love S3ood mithel ukhooy, bs this is his fight, not yours. He has to make the choice, and he has to make it alone. She's no good for him, and he knows it, but he has to act on it, he has to be strong"
"Aha"
"Nooro he likes you, I can tell from the way he looks at you, men awal ma you guys met, but still, that's not enough, you're my baby sister and I don't want you to get hurt, so if anything is going to happen with him, he has to be committed to you a hundred percent, otherwise I'll kill him."
"Hahah you're a tough sister, but I love you."
"I love you too," she said hugging me, "soooo, ready for Paris?"
"Not really.. you?"
"No not really either, how about a change of plans?"
"Where?"
"Nroo7 Paris for a few days and then we head South"
"Cannes?" I yelled squealling with pleasure
"Yeah, why not? Just us the girls, we'll do Cannes, Nice, Monte Carlo.. it should be fun"
"YES, YES, YES!!!! I love you! I need to shop, this is not good enough now!" I said pointing at the pile of clothes infront of me,
"Hahah ok, yallah get changed we'll go shopping, I need to shop too" she said getting up and heading to her room.

So maybe it is his fight. She's right, he should decide who he wants alone, because if I stay and he ends up choosing me, I'll always wonder why he did, and whether he chose me because he felt pressured, not because he wanted to be with me.

Until next time..