Hello, My name is.. (42)

Dear Diary,

It's been a week since 3abdallah arrived, Fa6oom cries herself to sleep every night, I know because I could hear her sobbing through the thin walls of my flat.

Yesterday morning S3ood came over to invite us to a barbeque in the park, the weather was great, honestly if the company was different I would've been looking forward to it, but having 3abdallah and Fa6ma in the same place was a disaster. He continued to ignore her, and everytime she would see him I can literally see her breaking down from the inside out. I can't see my sister like this anymore, this is slowly killing her.

I called S3ood to tell him that this wasn't such a good idea, but he insisted, he said we all needed a change of scenery and that both of them should get used to seeing eachother since they were both studying the same course and will probably be together all day for the coming year.

Oh God. This can't be good.

Reluctantly, we packed our picnic basket, I bought sandwiches, sushi and pastries to take with us and the guys bought the barbeque equipment. We met downstairs in the building's reception, both guys were dressed casually in shorts and t-shirts and both looked equally hot. 3abdallah has filled out a little since 3alya passed away, I guess he lost a lot of weight during her illness, he now looked more like S3ood, same broad shoulders, same strong arms. They both seemed happy to be going out, but as usual 3abdallah's smiles were only for me, I really liked him, but I would like him more if he would stop being such an asshole to my sister. Fa6ma on the other hand was sulking behind her sunglasses, she tried to get out of this picnic by pretending to be sick but I pulled her out of bed. I was not going with the two brothers alone! Although 3abdallah is nice to me and S3ood seems to be warming up, they both still scare me.

We headed out to the park, it was only a few minutes away and the weather was beautiful, Fa6ma had her iPod stuck in her ears, obviously to avoid any conversation with us, so I skipped along next to the twins and Fa6ma lagged behind us.

Fifteen minutes later we reached a beautiful spot in Kensington Gardens, so I jumped up and down,
"Oh oh let's stop here! I love this area!"
"Hahah you're such a cute baby!" said S3ood laughing, he stood next to me and looked at me as I literally stopped mid jump. He still insists that I'm a baby.
"I'm not a baby, I turn 19 in two months!" I protested,
"And that doesn't make you a baby?" he said ruffling my hair, "yallah yallah let's set up, 3abood come help me here" he called at his brother, who was staring at Fa6ma who was lost in her own thoughts as she dug a hole in the soft ground with her foot.

When he looks at her like this I can tell he still has feelings for her, and I definitely know she has feelings for him, well that's an understatement, I've never witnessed someone as passionate about someone else as Fa6ma is with 3abdallah, she truly loves him, and yet she suffers for that love.

Isn't love meant to be beautiful and rewarding?

"Fa6ma are you joining us?" called S3ood, as he started to set up the barbeque
"Umm.. yeah in a bit.. I think I'll go for a walk"
"Yeah as usual.. get people to do the work for you and you come when you're ready" muttered 3abdallah in a low voice, but not low enough for Fa6ma to not hear him, she stopped in her place and looked up at him, clearly hurt by what he said.
"You know what S3ood, I think I'll go back home, I'm not feeling well" she whispered,
"Yeah run away.." answered 3abdallah with a smirk on his face.
She turned around and walked up to him, she looked so tiny next to him,
"You, are the last person who can talk about running away!" she yelled at him as she pushed his chest with her tiny palm,
"Excuse me?" he said, "I ran away?"
"YES! You ran away! You left me! You got married!"
"YOU REJECTED ME! What did you expect me to do? Keep lying at your feet, begging you to just be near me?!"
"NO! I expected you to have my back! I expected you to know! To understand! I pretended to be strong infront of EVERYONE BUT YOU! And guess what? You were the one to let me down! You were the one who broke me into tiny pieces! Everyone believed I was a strong person but you knew.. you knew me.. you knew I can't be without you.. you knew and yet you left! YOU RAN AWAY! You took the easy way out! You pretended to be the victim! You punished me and 3alya and youself!"
"Don't you DARE bring her up!" he said pushing her away, I could see my sister shaking, she stood in her place, sobbing, suddenly I could see her swaying, like her legs couldn't carry her and then in a second her legs buckled under her weight and she started falling.

We all ran to her, but he was the first one to run, he was the first one to grab her preventing her from falling on the ground, he was the one who held her against his chest and carried her home as she muttered and cried while she was unconcious. She was feverish, the doctor came and gave her some medicine, but said she'll probably be like this for a couple of days.
3abdallah is lying on the floor next to her bed, as she slept with tears streaming down her face all night.

I took her to the barbeque, I put her through this.

Until next time..