Dear Diary,
Today when I woke up Fa6ma was up in the living room, she was still tired but atleast she was consious now.
"Good morning Fa6oom" I said when I saw her huddled on the sofa watching Tyra on TV,
"Hi Nooro, how long was I sleeping? Is it really Monday already? Tawa kan Saturday?" she said confused,
"Hehe yeah you were out for two days, you don't remember what happened?"
"No, ya3ny I vaguely remember myself yelling and then everything is a blur, I kept dreaming of 3abdallah.. shit" she said covering her face with her hands and sighing,
"You weren't dreaming. He was here with you, he's been with you for the past two days, sleeping on the floor" I said looking at her trying to see a reaction in her face,
"Noor I can't do this anymore"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm going back to Doha"
"WHAT?"
"Yes, I'm done fighting for something that was never mine"
"Fa6oom?"
"I'm serious, I love him wallah I do, but I have no energy left in me, look at me, I'm a complete mess, I physically got sick because I didn't want to go to a barbeque with him, what more proof do I need that I can't be around him, I can't be around him when he hates me this much!"
"He doesn't hate you Fa6oom, he spent the last two days sleeping on the floor next to you!"
She shook her head, while the tears streamed down her face,
"He slept on my floor because he's 3abdallah, he's the guy that took in stray dogs, he's the guy that bought meals for the homeless guy who slept next to my appartment building everyday because he couldn't imagine anyone being hungry, that's 3abdallah, he did it because this comes naturally to him, I'm not a special case Noor, I'm a charity case and I can't take that. I have to go back."
"Now who's running away?" said 3abdallah as he walked in to the living room, he looked so tired, like he'd aged in the past two days,
"3abdallah? How did.."
"I gave him your keys, he was staying here and he needed to come and go to his appartment fa it made sense"
"Oh.."
"Redy 3alay.. who's running away? At the first sign of trouble, you're ready to pack your bags and leave?"
She looked down at her hands and picked at her chipped nails,
"Fa6ma I'm talking to you.. reddy 3alay!"
"You heard everything.. I can't do this anymore.. for years I pretended in front of everyone that I was fine.. when people asked me about you I'd tell them that it was an amicable break up and that I was happy for you.. we drifted apart I would say.. but deep down everyday felt like a stab in my body and now.. seeing you in front of me.. is not helping me at all.. you know I thought I was over you.. well not over you exactly but that I was ok with us not being together.. and I was ready to stand by you when you needed me and I did.. for you and for 3alya.. but that drained every ounce of energy and strength in me.. and now you treating me like this is something I cannot physically tolerate.. my body.. my heart and my soul cannot take it.. so yes if you consider this running away then I am running away.. I'm running away from you but unfortunately I cannot run away from myself.. I wish I could because you are a part of me.. and as much as I hate that and as much as you hate me.. I cannot change that fact.."
She stood up and walked past him, without waiting for an answer. Knowing my sister, her mind was set.
"Good morning Fa6oom" I said when I saw her huddled on the sofa watching Tyra on TV,
"Hi Nooro, how long was I sleeping? Is it really Monday already? Tawa kan Saturday?" she said confused,
"Hehe yeah you were out for two days, you don't remember what happened?"
"No, ya3ny I vaguely remember myself yelling and then everything is a blur, I kept dreaming of 3abdallah.. shit" she said covering her face with her hands and sighing,
"You weren't dreaming. He was here with you, he's been with you for the past two days, sleeping on the floor" I said looking at her trying to see a reaction in her face,
"Noor I can't do this anymore"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm going back to Doha"
"WHAT?"
"Yes, I'm done fighting for something that was never mine"
"Fa6oom?"
"I'm serious, I love him wallah I do, but I have no energy left in me, look at me, I'm a complete mess, I physically got sick because I didn't want to go to a barbeque with him, what more proof do I need that I can't be around him, I can't be around him when he hates me this much!"
"He doesn't hate you Fa6oom, he spent the last two days sleeping on the floor next to you!"
She shook her head, while the tears streamed down her face,
"He slept on my floor because he's 3abdallah, he's the guy that took in stray dogs, he's the guy that bought meals for the homeless guy who slept next to my appartment building everyday because he couldn't imagine anyone being hungry, that's 3abdallah, he did it because this comes naturally to him, I'm not a special case Noor, I'm a charity case and I can't take that. I have to go back."
"Now who's running away?" said 3abdallah as he walked in to the living room, he looked so tired, like he'd aged in the past two days,
"3abdallah? How did.."
"I gave him your keys, he was staying here and he needed to come and go to his appartment fa it made sense"
"Oh.."
"Redy 3alay.. who's running away? At the first sign of trouble, you're ready to pack your bags and leave?"
She looked down at her hands and picked at her chipped nails,
"Fa6ma I'm talking to you.. reddy 3alay!"
"You heard everything.. I can't do this anymore.. for years I pretended in front of everyone that I was fine.. when people asked me about you I'd tell them that it was an amicable break up and that I was happy for you.. we drifted apart I would say.. but deep down everyday felt like a stab in my body and now.. seeing you in front of me.. is not helping me at all.. you know I thought I was over you.. well not over you exactly but that I was ok with us not being together.. and I was ready to stand by you when you needed me and I did.. for you and for 3alya.. but that drained every ounce of energy and strength in me.. and now you treating me like this is something I cannot physically tolerate.. my body.. my heart and my soul cannot take it.. so yes if you consider this running away then I am running away.. I'm running away from you but unfortunately I cannot run away from myself.. I wish I could because you are a part of me.. and as much as I hate that and as much as you hate me.. I cannot change that fact.."
She stood up and walked past him, without waiting for an answer. Knowing my sister, her mind was set.
She was going back home.
Until next time..
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