“I need you to love me like you’ve never loved anyone before, my love will have to be unique, special and strong. I have to be selfish in my love for you, because from your love I will draw my strength. I’m a weak person, I must admit, I know I tend to put up a wall around me, and act strong and careless, but deep down I’m lonely, in you I’ve found my soul mate, my solace. You see, my whole life is not worth a single breath of yours. With every breath, I take in your perfume and when I exhale it pains me to let go of your smell, because it’s a part of you, an insignificant part you may think, but to me nothing about you is insignificant.
Without you, my life is worthless; you’re my everything and everyone. You know how much my family and friends mean to me, I cannot function without them; imagine that compared to you they are worthless; for you I would abandon everyone, no I would abandon my life and myself.
I ask you to let me be selfish in my love for you, I want you, no I need you, to exist only for me and with me.”
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Love monologue.. (1)
This won't be a new story.. it's just a series of random love monologues.. tell me what you guys think :)
****
“How could you betray me this way?” He yelled at her, she looked at him preparing her response and just as she was about to speak he continued his tirade,
“I trusted you! You were my best friend, I told you everything! You were the one who knew, you knew how things have been all along, with my family, at work, with my friends.. you are the only one that I have ever been able to be me in front of. You knew that never was I comfortable to show my vulnerable side in front of my family; for them I was strong, I was callous, I was careless, but with you... with you I was myself, I told you when things hurt, I told you what angered me, what upset me. I was able to remove all masks with you, but today... today I realise it was you who was wearing the mask.”
She put her hand on his arm, trying to placate him; he looked at her dejectedly, with a shadow of a smile on his face,
“That being said, I know you did what you did with good intentions, and no matter what you do I’ll always love you.”
“I trusted you! You were my best friend, I told you everything! You were the one who knew, you knew how things have been all along, with my family, at work, with my friends.. you are the only one that I have ever been able to be me in front of. You knew that never was I comfortable to show my vulnerable side in front of my family; for them I was strong, I was callous, I was careless, but with you... with you I was myself, I told you when things hurt, I told you what angered me, what upset me. I was able to remove all masks with you, but today... today I realise it was you who was wearing the mask.”
She put her hand on his arm, trying to placate him; he looked at her dejectedly, with a shadow of a smile on his face,
“That being said, I know you did what you did with good intentions, and no matter what you do I’ll always love you.”
Mirror.. mirror.. (17)
“I love you,” he whispered as he placed small kisses on my temple, softly blowing on my hair line and in the process making me extremely dizzy.
“Saif..” I whispered in response, trying to break the spell he put on me by moving away from him,
“3yoon Saif..” he answered kissing my fingers and pulling me back into his arms, “galb Saif..” he said as he pushed my hair aside and kissed me bellow my ear.
“Stop..” I said, my voice sounding weak and unconvincing even to myself, “3aib Saif..” I whispered,
“Laish 7abeeby? Soon you’ll be all mine”
“Soon but not today” I said, finally gathering some strength to get off his lap and onto the chair opposite him.
“Haha ok ok fine, sorry 7abeeby” he said as I pretended to be mad at him, “you’re beautiful, inside and out.”
“Really?”
“Of course”
“So if I was ugly would you still love me?”
“I loved you before I saw you, the fact that you’re beautiful is just a bonus, but you are the prize.”
And that was how he honestly made me feel, like I was a precious gift, something to cherish.
“You know what you have to do now right?” he said as he walked towards the door,
“Don’t go..” I said pulling him back inside the small room,
“La 7abeeby I have to, and you have to, there’s a call you have to make”
“Maby Saif, I feel like this is a dream and if you left I will wake up and I’ll be all alone again”
“It’s not a dream” he whispered, placing his lips softly on mine one last time.
I went back home knowing that I had something important to do, I had to call Mohammed. I had been postponing this call for a long time, I sensed from the beginning that the relationship wouldn’t work, he was a nice guy really, maybe sometimes too nice.
I sat on my bed and dialled his number, he picked up the phone after the first short beep,
“Aloo”
“Hi”
“Hala.. wainech ilyoum?”
“Umm.. I was in the gallery sorry”
“La it’s ok.. so.. how are you?”
“Good” I paused, not knowing how to start,
“7ala?”
“Yes..”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something”
Oh shit.
“Umm.. yeah sure ask”
“Where are we going?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we’ve been talking for some time, and you know I wanted the relationship to move forward..”
“Mohammed you’re a great guy o kel wa7da tetmanak but I only see you as a friend”
There I said it.
“And all this time you were just leading me on?”
“What?”
“You know I felt from the beginning that you were selfish, but I didn’t realise how selfish until now”
“Excuse me?” This is unbelievable!
“Yeah, you’re so into yourself, you’re vain, sometimes rude..”
“What? You were just asking me to marry you! Now I somehow became completely undesirable?”
“I never said that.. I’m just saying, this is who you are and I was willing to overlook it, no one is perfect 7ala”
“And why the hell were you willing to overlook it? Don’t tell me you’re in love with me!” I was fuming, how dare he talk to me this way.
“Of course not” he answered coldly, “but you’re from a good family, you’re pretty, well educated ya3ny it was a good match, again no one is perfect.”
“You’re unbelievable!”
“No I’m just being honest”
“Ok well..” I was lost for words, I was beyond shocked, how did the nice sweet boy I was talking to turn to this calculating bastard?
“Bye 7ala” he said and ended the conversation.
I stared at the blank screen with disbelief and quickly dialled Saif’s number, so much for him being a nice guy.
“You will not believe this!” I yelled as soon as he picked up,
“Believe what 7abeeby?”
“That bastard! I just broke up with him and you would not believe what he said to me!” I quickly gave him a recap of the conversation I just had and expected him to be as furious as I was, but the only reaction I got from him was loud laughter,
“I’m glad you’re finding this funny, ana bamoot min ilqahar!!!”
“Hahahahaha sorry 7abeeby la tez3eleen bas why are you mad?”
“Excuse me? He called me vain and selfish and practically told me that he only wanted to marry me so I can be his trophy wife and give him beautiful children!”
“So? You should take that as a compliment”
“How the hell would that be a compliment?”
“Well, the compliment would be that you are so beautiful, so gorgeous that any guy would be willing to overlook.. what was it?”
“My vanity and selfishness”
“Yes, he would be willing to overlook this just to be with you”
“Am I really that bad Saif?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes”
“You are.. sometimes”
“And why are you overlooking that?”
“Because I love you”
“Why would you love a vain and selfish person?”
“I love all your traits 7ala because they’re what makes you you. I see your pride, your passion and your love for me, I see all this reflected in your eyes when you look in the mirror. I love your selfishness because I know that as much as you love yourself 7ala, you love me more. I would never overlook your traits, ever because that would mean that I’m throwing away a part of you. I love you just the way you are, the good and the bad.”
“You always know the right things to say” I whispered, my anger fading as I listed to his beautiful words,
“I’m saying what I feel. You make me feel 7ala.”
“Saif..” I whispered in response, trying to break the spell he put on me by moving away from him,
“3yoon Saif..” he answered kissing my fingers and pulling me back into his arms, “galb Saif..” he said as he pushed my hair aside and kissed me bellow my ear.
“Stop..” I said, my voice sounding weak and unconvincing even to myself, “3aib Saif..” I whispered,
“Laish 7abeeby? Soon you’ll be all mine”
“Soon but not today” I said, finally gathering some strength to get off his lap and onto the chair opposite him.
“Haha ok ok fine, sorry 7abeeby” he said as I pretended to be mad at him, “you’re beautiful, inside and out.”
“Really?”
“Of course”
“So if I was ugly would you still love me?”
“I loved you before I saw you, the fact that you’re beautiful is just a bonus, but you are the prize.”
And that was how he honestly made me feel, like I was a precious gift, something to cherish.
“You know what you have to do now right?” he said as he walked towards the door,
“Don’t go..” I said pulling him back inside the small room,
“La 7abeeby I have to, and you have to, there’s a call you have to make”
“Maby Saif, I feel like this is a dream and if you left I will wake up and I’ll be all alone again”
“It’s not a dream” he whispered, placing his lips softly on mine one last time.
I went back home knowing that I had something important to do, I had to call Mohammed. I had been postponing this call for a long time, I sensed from the beginning that the relationship wouldn’t work, he was a nice guy really, maybe sometimes too nice.
I sat on my bed and dialled his number, he picked up the phone after the first short beep,
“Aloo”
“Hi”
“Hala.. wainech ilyoum?”
“Umm.. I was in the gallery sorry”
“La it’s ok.. so.. how are you?”
“Good” I paused, not knowing how to start,
“7ala?”
“Yes..”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something”
Oh shit.
“Umm.. yeah sure ask”
“Where are we going?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we’ve been talking for some time, and you know I wanted the relationship to move forward..”
“Mohammed you’re a great guy o kel wa7da tetmanak but I only see you as a friend”
There I said it.
“And all this time you were just leading me on?”
“What?”
“You know I felt from the beginning that you were selfish, but I didn’t realise how selfish until now”
“Excuse me?” This is unbelievable!
“Yeah, you’re so into yourself, you’re vain, sometimes rude..”
“What? You were just asking me to marry you! Now I somehow became completely undesirable?”
“I never said that.. I’m just saying, this is who you are and I was willing to overlook it, no one is perfect 7ala”
“And why the hell were you willing to overlook it? Don’t tell me you’re in love with me!” I was fuming, how dare he talk to me this way.
“Of course not” he answered coldly, “but you’re from a good family, you’re pretty, well educated ya3ny it was a good match, again no one is perfect.”
“You’re unbelievable!”
“No I’m just being honest”
“Ok well..” I was lost for words, I was beyond shocked, how did the nice sweet boy I was talking to turn to this calculating bastard?
“Bye 7ala” he said and ended the conversation.
I stared at the blank screen with disbelief and quickly dialled Saif’s number, so much for him being a nice guy.
“You will not believe this!” I yelled as soon as he picked up,
“Believe what 7abeeby?”
“That bastard! I just broke up with him and you would not believe what he said to me!” I quickly gave him a recap of the conversation I just had and expected him to be as furious as I was, but the only reaction I got from him was loud laughter,
“I’m glad you’re finding this funny, ana bamoot min ilqahar!!!”
“Hahahahaha sorry 7abeeby la tez3eleen bas why are you mad?”
“Excuse me? He called me vain and selfish and practically told me that he only wanted to marry me so I can be his trophy wife and give him beautiful children!”
“So? You should take that as a compliment”
“How the hell would that be a compliment?”
“Well, the compliment would be that you are so beautiful, so gorgeous that any guy would be willing to overlook.. what was it?”
“My vanity and selfishness”
“Yes, he would be willing to overlook this just to be with you”
“Am I really that bad Saif?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes”
“You are.. sometimes”
“And why are you overlooking that?”
“Because I love you”
“Why would you love a vain and selfish person?”
“I love all your traits 7ala because they’re what makes you you. I see your pride, your passion and your love for me, I see all this reflected in your eyes when you look in the mirror. I love your selfishness because I know that as much as you love yourself 7ala, you love me more. I would never overlook your traits, ever because that would mean that I’m throwing away a part of you. I love you just the way you are, the good and the bad.”
“You always know the right things to say” I whispered, my anger fading as I listed to his beautiful words,
“I’m saying what I feel. You make me feel 7ala.”
Mirror.. mirror.. (16)
I sat comfortably on his lap as he hugged me and held my hand, tracing the lines on my palm with his finger,
“I missed you” he whispered, taking in a deep breath and smelling my hair, “I missed everything about you”
“Me too” I said turning around and smiling, a real smile for the first time in a very long time. I wished I can close my eyes and freeze this moment, just as it is, just me and him in this small room together, and not think about anything else around us. The world was just this room, and life was only this moment.
“What have you been doing without me?”
I hesitated for a moment before I answered his questions, I wanted to start this the right way, no more lies, I was going to be honest.
“Umm.. remember that guy I told you about?” I felt his back stiffen as he heard those words, a small frown forming on his smooth forehead. He looked amazing, all I wanted to do was kiss him and stare at him.
“What guy?”
“You know, illy 5e6abny?”
“Yes” he said, his grasp tightening on my hand. I put my other hand on his and slowly eased his hand open,
“Umm well, I said no” and he let out a small breath, “but” I paused looking at his reaction, “I have been talking to him for the past month, to get to know him” I continued, watching his blank expression. I could tell he was furious, but he couldn’t say anything since he was also engaged a month ago, “Saif?”
“Hmm..”
“Say something?”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“I don’t know” I said, shrugging my shoulders, and I really didn’t, “what do you expect me to do?”
“Na3am?”
“Seriously? So you broke up with your fiancée, what now?”
“I get a new one”
“What?”
“You.”
I felt like my heart was going to stop, life is so weird, an hour ago I was expecting a proposal from someone and I get it from someone else.
“Is this the best you can do?” I said, pretending to be mad at him when all I wanted was to yell ‘Yes’ and kiss him.
“Hahah la but you didn’t give me a chance, you caught me off guard with this guy, but 7ala seriously, you end this tonight, you know I’m the jealous type, I can’t bear the thought of you with someone else. All this time I was away all I could think about was how stupid I was for letting you go and for pushing you into someone else’s arms.”
“I only want your arms” I said, hugging him again and kissing his head, “so tell me, what happened with the fiancée? Is she pretty? Is she prettier than me? Tell me she was fat”
“Hahaha she wasn’t fat, yes she was pretty but no one is prettier than you. Nothing happened, she was my cousin but I didn’t really know her, it was a family thing. We talked a few times on the phone, but I wasn’t interested and I had a weird feeling about her, she was too quiet. Last week I called her and told her I wanted to see her, I couldn’t do it any longer, it was unfair to both of us, so I had to end it face to face. I explained to her that I was in love with you,”
“Ohhh you did that for me?” I could feel my eyes filling up with tears again, happy tears, I was happy because I knew that the man I loved loved me too.
“Would you let me finish?” he laughed, “yes of course, you know I love you, I would do anything for you, but anyway, I told her what happened between us, and she started crying, it turned out that she was in love with someone else, but her parents refused because they couldn’t say no to my parents.”
“That’s sad. Miskeena. Te5ayal you never said anything and you two ended up being married, you would’ve both been miserable”
“We were, so we decided to tell our parents together, we put them in a room the next day and explained everything, needless to say there was a lot of yelling, but in the end I think they just want us to be happy, imagine that all this could’ve been avoided if my father and uncle actually talked to eachother, kel wa7ed fehum kan meste7y ygool la 7ag ilthany, and we were the ones suffering”
“I’m glad she’s in love with someone else. I would’ve been sad if she was in love with you.”
“I’m glad you’ll finally be mine.”
“I missed you” he whispered, taking in a deep breath and smelling my hair, “I missed everything about you”
“Me too” I said turning around and smiling, a real smile for the first time in a very long time. I wished I can close my eyes and freeze this moment, just as it is, just me and him in this small room together, and not think about anything else around us. The world was just this room, and life was only this moment.
“What have you been doing without me?”
I hesitated for a moment before I answered his questions, I wanted to start this the right way, no more lies, I was going to be honest.
“Umm.. remember that guy I told you about?” I felt his back stiffen as he heard those words, a small frown forming on his smooth forehead. He looked amazing, all I wanted to do was kiss him and stare at him.
“What guy?”
“You know, illy 5e6abny?”
“Yes” he said, his grasp tightening on my hand. I put my other hand on his and slowly eased his hand open,
“Umm well, I said no” and he let out a small breath, “but” I paused looking at his reaction, “I have been talking to him for the past month, to get to know him” I continued, watching his blank expression. I could tell he was furious, but he couldn’t say anything since he was also engaged a month ago, “Saif?”
“Hmm..”
“Say something?”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“I don’t know” I said, shrugging my shoulders, and I really didn’t, “what do you expect me to do?”
“Na3am?”
“Seriously? So you broke up with your fiancée, what now?”
“I get a new one”
“What?”
“You.”
I felt like my heart was going to stop, life is so weird, an hour ago I was expecting a proposal from someone and I get it from someone else.
“Is this the best you can do?” I said, pretending to be mad at him when all I wanted was to yell ‘Yes’ and kiss him.
“Hahah la but you didn’t give me a chance, you caught me off guard with this guy, but 7ala seriously, you end this tonight, you know I’m the jealous type, I can’t bear the thought of you with someone else. All this time I was away all I could think about was how stupid I was for letting you go and for pushing you into someone else’s arms.”
“I only want your arms” I said, hugging him again and kissing his head, “so tell me, what happened with the fiancée? Is she pretty? Is she prettier than me? Tell me she was fat”
“Hahaha she wasn’t fat, yes she was pretty but no one is prettier than you. Nothing happened, she was my cousin but I didn’t really know her, it was a family thing. We talked a few times on the phone, but I wasn’t interested and I had a weird feeling about her, she was too quiet. Last week I called her and told her I wanted to see her, I couldn’t do it any longer, it was unfair to both of us, so I had to end it face to face. I explained to her that I was in love with you,”
“Ohhh you did that for me?” I could feel my eyes filling up with tears again, happy tears, I was happy because I knew that the man I loved loved me too.
“Would you let me finish?” he laughed, “yes of course, you know I love you, I would do anything for you, but anyway, I told her what happened between us, and she started crying, it turned out that she was in love with someone else, but her parents refused because they couldn’t say no to my parents.”
“That’s sad. Miskeena. Te5ayal you never said anything and you two ended up being married, you would’ve both been miserable”
“We were, so we decided to tell our parents together, we put them in a room the next day and explained everything, needless to say there was a lot of yelling, but in the end I think they just want us to be happy, imagine that all this could’ve been avoided if my father and uncle actually talked to eachother, kel wa7ed fehum kan meste7y ygool la 7ag ilthany, and we were the ones suffering”
“I’m glad she’s in love with someone else. I would’ve been sad if she was in love with you.”
“I’m glad you’ll finally be mine.”
المعازيم
يوم اقلبت.. صوت لها جرحي القديم
يوم اقبلت .. طرنا لها انا وشوقي والنسيم
وعيونها ..عين لمحتني وشهقت
وعين حضنت عيني وبكت
ويافرحتي
الحظ الليله كريم..
محبوبتي معزومه من ضمن المعازيم.
في زحمة الناس صعبه حالتي
فجأه اختلف لوني وضاعت خطوتي
مثلي اوقفت تلمس جروحي وحيرتي
بعيده اوقفت وانا بعيد بلهفتي
ماحد عرف اللي حصل
وماحد لمس مثل الامل
كل ابتسامه مهاجره جات رجعت لشفتي
وكل الدروب الضايعه مني تنادي خطوتي
ويارحلة الغربه.. وداعا رحلتي
ياعيون الكون غضي بالنظر
اتركينا اثتين عين تحكي لعين
اتركينا الشوق ماخلى حذر
بلا خوف بنلتقي.. وبلا حيرة بنلتقي
بالتقي بعيونها وعيونها احلى وطن.. وكل الامان
كلمات/ فائق عبدالجليل
This brings me lots of happy memories.. so I wanted to share.. :)
Mirror.. mirror.. (15)
“Daloooooooool!! I miss you!!” I yelled into my phone,
“Hehhe I miss you too.. how are you? It’s been ages since I talked to you”
“I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy with the gallery”
“Yeah? Not too busy for cousin Mohammed though?”
“Hahahh yalsa5eefa”
“How is he with you?”
“Hmm.. good..”
“Good?”
“Yeah ya3ny we’re getting to know each other”
“Slowly?”
“Hehe madry ya3ny it’s been a month since we started talking, he’s nice..”
“But he’s not Saif”
“No he’s not” I sighed, “I still miss him”
“I know you do, bas Mohammed really likes you”
“And I like him too, he’s sweet, he’s funny, he takes good care of me, ya3ny I know that if I were to marry him I would be happy, but still a part of me holds on to Saif”
“I know”
“Dalool it’s not easy, I saw a life with him, he was a part of me for so long”
“I understand, but don’t you think you’re being unfair?”
“I don’t know”
“Well, Mohammed wants to propose again, I think it’s too soon, but he seems to believe that everything is going well, I wanted to give you a heads up so you’re not caught off guard.”
“Thanks D”
“Don’t hurt him, he’s too nice”
“I know, I’m sorry”
“Don’t be, I know you can’t help it”
I wish I still was that girl who was so in control of her feelings, I feel so helpless. Never in my life did I allow my feelings to take over, I used to juggle guys and emotions without ever being affected. Today I’ve become a shadow of my old self, I feel broken, the spirit that everyone used to admire is no longer there, and all because of what? For a guy who refused to fight for his love.
I sighed again and picked up my pencil, at least I’ve come out with one good thing with this break up, I became more focused on work and have actually started to accomplish something with the gallery.
Just then my phone started ringing, Mohammed calling.
Oh God. I’m not in the mood.
I continued watching the screen blinking with his name; I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. I tucked my phone under my handbag, convincing myself that I didn’t see it ring.
Two minutes later it started ringing again. Ya Allah, why is he so persistent?
Except it wasn’t him.
I gingerly picked up the phone, my finger hovering over the green button,
“Aloo” I whispered, my voice trembling and my tears threatening to fall any second,
“Aloo” he whispered back. God how I’ve missed that voice, I missed his laughter, his lame jokes, his sleepy good mornings and loving good nights. My heart ached for the man that gave me up so easily, and I knew in that moment that I could never be with anyone else, because a word from him made my knees go weak, and for five minutes with him I would give up everything and everyone I loved.
“7ala..”
“Saif..” his name came out in a sob, I missed him to the extent that I could no longer breathe, it’s true what they say, you never know what you have until you lose it.
“I need to see you”
“Saif I can’t”
“Why?”
“You’re getting married.”
“I broke up with her”
“What? Sara didn’t tell me...”
“Sara doesn’t know, no one knows yet. 7ala I can’t live without you, this has to stop, I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I don’t care about anyone else, all I want, is you”
“Saif..”
“Please, I can’t talk to you on the phone I have to see you”
“Your parents?” I whispered, I was scared, I was too afraid to be happy, what if this was all a dream? What if something bad happens before I see him?
“I talked to them, they’re not thrilled but they’ll get over it. I need to see you.”
“Ok..”
“Ok?”
“Yeah..”
“Good, because I’m parked outside your gallery, I’m coming in now”
“What? Wait! No wait! I look like shit!” I yelled, frantically looking for my mirror and trying to erase the traces of black mascara that streamed down my face with my tears.
“You always look beautiful” he whispered standing at my office door.
I looked up at him, trying to take him all in, his thin frame, his tired eyes, his messy hair. I was afraid that if I moved from my place he would vanish into thin air and I would be alone, all over again.
“Is that really you?” I whispered.
He nodded, slowly inching towards me and shutting the door behind him.
“7ala..” he whispered, grabbing me in his arms and holding me tightly. I felt like I was suffocating, I was suffocating under the weight of his body, under the loneliness I felt without him and under the fear of losing him again.
“Promise me you will never leave me again” I whispered, choking on my tears,
“Never, in my life, will I make you cry again” he said, kissing away the tears that were flooding my face.
I pushed him away from me, and held his face in my hands, looking him in the eye,
“Don’t ever let me down again Saif” I whispered,
“Never” he replied, kissing me lovingly on my lips. Strangely enough I felt a sudden surge of anger, and I kissed him back, urgent, needy kisses, kisses that held the resentment I had for his betrayal, kisses that were full of the sad emotions I carried with me for the past nine months.
“Shhhh..” he whispered in my ear, as he let me take my revenge, and held me as I sobbed against his chest, “are you feeling better?”
I nodded, burying my head in his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“Look at me” he said pulling my head up, “I will never let you go, do you understand?”
“Yes” I whispered, this time feeling a little more optimistic than before.
“Hehhe I miss you too.. how are you? It’s been ages since I talked to you”
“I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy with the gallery”
“Yeah? Not too busy for cousin Mohammed though?”
“Hahahh yalsa5eefa”
“How is he with you?”
“Hmm.. good..”
“Good?”
“Yeah ya3ny we’re getting to know each other”
“Slowly?”
“Hehe madry ya3ny it’s been a month since we started talking, he’s nice..”
“But he’s not Saif”
“No he’s not” I sighed, “I still miss him”
“I know you do, bas Mohammed really likes you”
“And I like him too, he’s sweet, he’s funny, he takes good care of me, ya3ny I know that if I were to marry him I would be happy, but still a part of me holds on to Saif”
“I know”
“Dalool it’s not easy, I saw a life with him, he was a part of me for so long”
“I understand, but don’t you think you’re being unfair?”
“I don’t know”
“Well, Mohammed wants to propose again, I think it’s too soon, but he seems to believe that everything is going well, I wanted to give you a heads up so you’re not caught off guard.”
“Thanks D”
“Don’t hurt him, he’s too nice”
“I know, I’m sorry”
“Don’t be, I know you can’t help it”
I wish I still was that girl who was so in control of her feelings, I feel so helpless. Never in my life did I allow my feelings to take over, I used to juggle guys and emotions without ever being affected. Today I’ve become a shadow of my old self, I feel broken, the spirit that everyone used to admire is no longer there, and all because of what? For a guy who refused to fight for his love.
I sighed again and picked up my pencil, at least I’ve come out with one good thing with this break up, I became more focused on work and have actually started to accomplish something with the gallery.
Just then my phone started ringing, Mohammed calling.
Oh God. I’m not in the mood.
I continued watching the screen blinking with his name; I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. I tucked my phone under my handbag, convincing myself that I didn’t see it ring.
Two minutes later it started ringing again. Ya Allah, why is he so persistent?
Except it wasn’t him.
I gingerly picked up the phone, my finger hovering over the green button,
“Aloo” I whispered, my voice trembling and my tears threatening to fall any second,
“Aloo” he whispered back. God how I’ve missed that voice, I missed his laughter, his lame jokes, his sleepy good mornings and loving good nights. My heart ached for the man that gave me up so easily, and I knew in that moment that I could never be with anyone else, because a word from him made my knees go weak, and for five minutes with him I would give up everything and everyone I loved.
“7ala..”
“Saif..” his name came out in a sob, I missed him to the extent that I could no longer breathe, it’s true what they say, you never know what you have until you lose it.
“I need to see you”
“Saif I can’t”
“Why?”
“You’re getting married.”
“I broke up with her”
“What? Sara didn’t tell me...”
“Sara doesn’t know, no one knows yet. 7ala I can’t live without you, this has to stop, I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I don’t care about anyone else, all I want, is you”
“Saif..”
“Please, I can’t talk to you on the phone I have to see you”
“Your parents?” I whispered, I was scared, I was too afraid to be happy, what if this was all a dream? What if something bad happens before I see him?
“I talked to them, they’re not thrilled but they’ll get over it. I need to see you.”
“Ok..”
“Ok?”
“Yeah..”
“Good, because I’m parked outside your gallery, I’m coming in now”
“What? Wait! No wait! I look like shit!” I yelled, frantically looking for my mirror and trying to erase the traces of black mascara that streamed down my face with my tears.
“You always look beautiful” he whispered standing at my office door.
I looked up at him, trying to take him all in, his thin frame, his tired eyes, his messy hair. I was afraid that if I moved from my place he would vanish into thin air and I would be alone, all over again.
“Is that really you?” I whispered.
He nodded, slowly inching towards me and shutting the door behind him.
“7ala..” he whispered, grabbing me in his arms and holding me tightly. I felt like I was suffocating, I was suffocating under the weight of his body, under the loneliness I felt without him and under the fear of losing him again.
“Promise me you will never leave me again” I whispered, choking on my tears,
“Never, in my life, will I make you cry again” he said, kissing away the tears that were flooding my face.
I pushed him away from me, and held his face in my hands, looking him in the eye,
“Don’t ever let me down again Saif” I whispered,
“Never” he replied, kissing me lovingly on my lips. Strangely enough I felt a sudden surge of anger, and I kissed him back, urgent, needy kisses, kisses that held the resentment I had for his betrayal, kisses that were full of the sad emotions I carried with me for the past nine months.
“Shhhh..” he whispered in my ear, as he let me take my revenge, and held me as I sobbed against his chest, “are you feeling better?”
I nodded, burying my head in his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“Look at me” he said pulling my head up, “I will never let you go, do you understand?”
“Yes” I whispered, this time feeling a little more optimistic than before.
Red Light..
I closed my eyes at the red light, allowing the music to transport me back in time, 3abdelmajeed’s voice taking me back to a place I no longer recognise,
3alay ken ilzemaan 3endik tewagaf
Nesait ina ifteragna gelt 9ayyaf
The car behind me flashed its light alerting me that it was time for me to move on, the green light was on, in a daze I shifted the gear of my car and drove off,
Te7araitak tejeeny.. bs ma jeet
Ana tawy.. 3ala 6areek fazait
The words took me to that cold street, where I walked every day, thinking of you, wishing for you, hoping for just a word from you,
Ana fe da5el a3magy nesaitek
O la wajaht i7sasy legaitek
I left that street a long time ago, I left the cold for the warmth of home, I left physically but somehow I was still there.
Wain aroo7.. damek sakenen bey?
Shasawy.. o ‘3airek int men ley?
*Song: Abdulmajeed Abdullah – Wala teswa
3alay ken ilzemaan 3endik tewagaf
Nesait ina ifteragna gelt 9ayyaf
The car behind me flashed its light alerting me that it was time for me to move on, the green light was on, in a daze I shifted the gear of my car and drove off,
Te7araitak tejeeny.. bs ma jeet
Ana tawy.. 3ala 6areek fazait
The words took me to that cold street, where I walked every day, thinking of you, wishing for you, hoping for just a word from you,
Ana fe da5el a3magy nesaitek
O la wajaht i7sasy legaitek
I left that street a long time ago, I left the cold for the warmth of home, I left physically but somehow I was still there.
Wain aroo7.. damek sakenen bey?
Shasawy.. o ‘3airek int men ley?
*Song: Abdulmajeed Abdullah – Wala teswa