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Hello, My name is.. (61)

Dear Diary,
I haven't heard from S3ood after the engagement party, which was honestly expected. I didn't think he'd want to talk to me after seeing Ahmed and me together, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. What gave him the right to judge me? Even if I got back to Ahmed, he doesn't have the right to judge or even comment, because he didn't want me, so what was he expecting? That I sit at home and wait for him to change his mind? Ok technically this was what I have been doing, but regardless, who does he think he is?
With my new found anger, I decided to put my life back on track, I spent more time with my friends, I started going back to the gym and I focused more on my studies, I pushed all thoughts of him to the back of my mind.
Ahmed and I became close again, but as friends only. The other day we were talking and he said that he thought we were both confused in the beginning, maybe we should've only been friends and that we probably put too much pressure on ourselves to be more than that, I think I agree with him. Surprisingly, I felt the most comfortable talking to him about S3ood, he understood. The girls have also been great, but they don't get it, they either tell me that I should get over myself, or that S3ood was never worth it. They don't understand that I can't help it, feeling the way I do is something beyond my scope of control. So for them I pretend.
Do you know how it is when you pretend that you're happy for so long, you actually start to believe it? That's how I was. From the inside life was dark and depressing, but to everyone else I was ok, I was fine and everything was good. After all we never really were in a relationship, he technically didn't break my heart, how could he? We were never together.
Fa6ma has been busy preparing for the wedding, they're getting married after the summer, after they hand in their dissertations, I'm so happy for them! We've been running around London preparing for the wedding, and it's actually tough not being in Doha, at a time like this you need your family, you need to be close to where the wedding will actually be, she's freaking out about the flower arrangements, the centre pieces, the stage, everything! This will be a beautiful wedding and I honestly can't wait.
Until next time..