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If you saw me now.. (1)

Ok, I’m finally doing this, although I feel weird, but no, no I’m doing this.
Yesterday I had a panic attack when I saw a car that had a similar plate number to yours; I nearly crashed into a poor Indian man on a bicycle and had to park on the side of the road for an hour before my hands were steady enough to continue driving.
Of course, when I told Mesha3el she insisted that I go see my therapist because this behaviour is not normal; after 4 years this behaviour is no longer considered normal.
So, here I was, like the good girl that I am; the good Yara, booked an appointment with her therapist and went to see her. It’s not like she was telling me something new, I knew what she was going to say. I know how people think.
“Yara, I can’t help you until you decide to help yourself. You have to be honest with me and tell me what’s bothering you, what do you want? What do you wish for?”
And I told her.
I told her that I still wish for you, that I still miss you. I just miss having you around, I miss our friendship, the way you understood me, just you.
You know, I actually like this therapist. Do you know what she said I should do? I should write you a series of letters, just talking to you, telling you about me and letting out all the feelings I have. She said that it would help me since you were the only person I could talk to; of course, I can’t mail them because well, where would I mail them to? They don’t get mail in heaven do they?
As always,
I miss you my love...