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Senses.. (19)

‘Nouf.. ’
‘La tjaneneeny’
‘Why what did I do now?’
‘Who was that guy you were with, in your office?’
‘Abdullah?’ she said sitting down and crossing her legs, he came closer and sat on the seat next to her, she felt faint as she took in his distinct smell,
‘I don’t care what his name is. Who is he, and why were you laughing with him?’ even as he was asking her he could feel that his question reflected his jealousy, but at this point he didn’t really care, she knew that he can’t be friends with her and since she wanted to try the friendship thing she will have to put up with his jealous outbursts.
‘He’s just a colleague’ she said shrugging her shoulders, so he’s jealous of Abdullah? She knew that Abdullah had feelings for Manal, so maybe she could use his frequent visits to their office to her advantage, ‘shfeek Fahad?’ she said,
‘nothing, bs mb 7ilwa you sit with him, a5af yetkalemon 3alaich ilnas’ he said, angry at himself for showing her his jealousy,
‘I’m sitting with you’
‘That’s different’
‘How so?’ she said raising an eyebrow, ‘I’m in your office, with a closed door, and we’re both single, if anyone will talk they’ll talk about us’
‘Ya salam?’
‘Yes, maybe then it’ll force you to acknowledge the fact that we’re not friends and we never will be.’
‘Ya 3yoon Fahad’
‘Did you think about me after..’ she bit her lip to stop herself from completing the sentence. Why did she ask? Why refer to the past? She was supposed to be in control, she was supposed to make him jealous, to play with his heart, not appear vulnerable and show him how hurt she was.
He took in a deep breath, trying to think of how to phrase his next sentence. He could tell she regretted asking the question, he didn’t know how to answer and yet he was glad she asked.
‘Would you believe me if I said that I have been thinking about you every day.. since..’
She winced at the incomplete sentence, he cannot say since she caught him with Zaina, how can one sentence make her happy and miserable at the same time?
‘No I can’t believe it’ she said, looking down at her nails. What was she doing, she was supposed to appear strong in front of him.
He put his hand on hers, ‘Nouf..’
‘I should go’ she whispered
‘Please stay, we’re friends right?’
‘Not yet’ she said forcing a smile, she was lying to herself, she can’t play this game and if she does continue she will be more hurt than he would ever be, ‘maybe this is a bad idea, maybe we shouldn’t be friends, maybe we shouldn’t even speak with each other’ she said shaking her head,
‘So how do you suggest we work with each other if we don’t speak?’ he said sarcastically,
‘I don’t know.. I guess we shouldn’t be working together’
‘I’ve been assigned this project and so were you, so whether you like it or not we’ll work together’
‘I could quit’
‘Are you mad? Nouf what the hell is wrong with you?’ he yelled at her,
‘Why are you yelling at me?’
‘Because, since I saw you a month ago my whole life has turned upside down. I sleep thinking of you, I dream of you and I wake up saying your name. I’m mad about you and you’ve been hot and cold, one day you can’t stand to see me, the next you want to be friends, then you walk to my office seductively and then you tell me that you’re quitting and leaving my life again. I can’t do this anymore!’
‘I didn’t walk in seductively’ she said with a faint smile,
‘That’s all you took in? Everything else I said didn’t matter to you? You did walk in seductively, every look, every step, every word you say draws me closer to you. I hold myself every time I’m near you to make sure I don’t touch you. I miss holding you in my arms, I miss breathing in your perfume, I miss playing with your hair and every time I see you here it reminds me of what I’m missing’
‘So I should stop seducing you and I should quit’
‘Nouf.. seeing you reminds me of what I miss. Not seeing you would be torture; not having you in my life again would be the end of me.’