Senses.. (26)

She sat watching her brother as he tormented himself, it broke her heart watching him like this but she knew there was nothing she could do. Her brother had to face Nouf and explain to her what happened. She had been in an accident the day before he cheated on Nouf with Zaina, she ended up in the ICU with a fracture in her spine that crippled her for 3 years. After several painful surgeries and long physiotherapy she was finally walking again, but she understood how that accident shocked Fahad and caused him to do what he did, she knew that her brother made a mistake, but deep down she understood that he was in shock and that he was most likely not aware of what he was doing at the time.

'Fahad?'

'Dana she hates me' he said rubbing his hair, 'her parents forced her to be with me, I would've never gone through with this engagement if I knew it was going to turn out this way.'

'I'm sure her parents didn't force her Fahad,'

'You didn't see her, she was crying in my office and I felt so bad, ya3ny mb kfaya what I put her through before..'

'Fahad don't you think it's time that you tell her what happened?'

'Dana mn 9ijich? Ya3ny would you forgive your husband if he had done something like that? And even if you did I would've killed him before you even had a chance to think about forgiving him. La I can't tell her, your accident is not an excuse, I made an unforgivable mistake.'

'Fahad yemken she won't find it as an excuse but actually talking about it might give her the closure she needs and you might be able to get over it and move on. I know she loves you, I'm sure you do, so you owe it to yourself to at least try.'

He shook his head, thinking of his sister's words, maybe just maybe it will work out and they could finally be together.

Senses.. (25)

He stood at his usual spot under the punishing heat, completely numb. All he could think of since that day were her words to him, she genuinely hated him. It was somewhat expected but for some reason, he didn't see it coming, he thought that she had put the past behind her and that they could move forward together, he thought he saw, or maybe he imagined some glimpses of his old Nouf; the Nouf he knew 7 years ago.

He started to light his fourth cigarette when he saw her driving through the entrance, he decided that he still wasn't ready to see her and quickly walked back to his office.

She has been miserable since the day she cried in his office. She didn't understand her reaction, she would be lying if she said she wasn't in love with him, and yet she couldn't trust him, it was true that she still wasn't ready for marriage, but she knew deep down that if she allowed herself and if she had spoken to him then they probably could work out her trust issues, also Manal's lectures probably had some influence on the way she felt now. Her friend could sense that there was some weakness in her voice when she said she hated him, she also noticed that her friend kept checking her phone every five minutes for messages from him, messages that never came. He has been completely silent since that day in his office, that was another reason that made her miserable. She knew that he cared for her, and yet he completely gave up as soon as she said she doesn't want to marry him.

She sat in her car thinking about their relationship, she has been always overly emotional; even now, she had one hundred different feelings everyday. Sometimes she felt that she hated him and sometimes she couldn't imagine her life without him.

She walked in to her office with the same miserable expression she's had for the past few days,

'Manal?'

'Morning to you too'

'Manal, tell me what to do..'

'You need to know what you want Noufa, honestly you're behaving like a spoiled child. If you have something you say you don't like it and if it goes away you cry for it. He told you he loves you, he sent his family, he asked to marry you and you told him you hated him. He told you he loves you and will do anything you want him to do even if its staying away from you and you cry because he gave up too easily. Make up your mind Noufa, I don't know how he was with you before and I don't care what happened, it was a long time ago, what I know is that the man I see today and everyday standing in the heat waiting just to see you for a few minutes is madly in love with you and deserves a second chance, so open your eyes and think of that.'

She nodded in agreement, 'I guess, I'll try..'

She walked slowly towards her fiance's office, thinking of something to say. How will she seem to him if she just walks in and announces that she doesn't hate him, in fact her feelings for him are the complete opposite.

'Good morning, can I come in?' she said, knocking his door lightly,

'Sure, tefa'6ely' he replied looking up from his computer. She walked in and closed the door behind her, without missing his raised eyebrow as she did so.

'To what do I owe this honor?' he said sarcastically when she sat on his sofa.

'Can't I come and have my morning coffee with my fiance?'

'Nouf?'

'Yes..'

'Never mind.. so should I order your coffee?'

'Please if you don't mind'

He ordered the coffee and they were both silently sitting opposite each other until the teaboy brought in two cups of steaming coffee in to the office.

She sat on the sofa, sipping her coffee as he watched her until he got up and moved back to his desk,

'I'm sorry I have some work to do if you don't mind' he said abruptly.

She felt as if he spilled the scalding coffee on her lap, in shock she got up and mumbled, 'sorry, I thought I'd better show people in the office that we were a newly engaged couple, I didn't want anyone to suspect anything, sorry I took so much of your precious time'

'No problem' he replied without even looking at her.

As she was leaving the office she noticed his cigarette pack on his desk, 'I thought you were going to quit?' she asked picking up the pack,

'I was, but now what's the point? I was going to do it for you, because I didn't want the smell to bother you in our house, but since there won't be an 'our house' I guess I don't have to anymore.' he answered looking her in the eye.

'I'm sorry..'

'No need to be sorry Nouf. You were right in everything you said the other day, trust me, I'll make this as easy as possible for you. And you're right about people noticing here in the office, from now on please do come every morning'

She slowly put down the cigarette pack from her trembling hand, she screwed up everything she thought to herself as she slowly walked away from him and left his office closing the door behind her.

Senses.. (24)

'So.. you love him, but you told him you won't marry him if he was the last man on earth?'

'Yes..'

'And he said he loves you but he won't force you?'

'Yes..'

'So in a nutshell you both love each other but decided on the first day of your engagement to break up and never see each other again'

'Yes..' she replied while absentmindedly stirring her now cold coffee,

'You're both idiots then.'

'Manal!'

'What? How does anything I just said make sense to you?'

'I don't trust him Manal. I can't spend the rest of my life wondering when he's going to cheat on me, because he will. Once a cheater, always a cheater.'

'He was young and immature, al7en he's not!'

'He wasn't young, he was 27! I was the young one, and yet I was dedicated to him 100%, my life revolved around him. He threw everything away for a meaningless fling, and now he has the audacity to tell me he loves me? No, that's unacceptable!'

'Did you ever ask him why he did what he did?'

'No. He didn't even try to explain, it was like he wanted to say I did what I did, take it or leave it. So I decided to leave it. Manal you have no idea how humiliated I was, everyone I knew in London knew that we were together, and Zaina made sure that everyone found out that he left me for her. It took me months just to be able to leave my house without trying to avoid everyone I know. I ended up not speaking to half of London from sheer embarrassment, I was afraid they'll ask me about him, I stuck only to my closest friends, I had to leave the university I loved and had wanted to study at for years. You have no idea what he put me through! I was going crazy, blaming myself for his mistake, thinking to myself that it must've been because of something that I did!'

'Did you tell him all this?'

'No and I never will! I love him, I still do, for a reason I don't know. But I hate him for everything he put me through, for making me what I am today and for the six years I wasted of my life, comparing every man I meet to him'

'And you will continue to do so Nouf. Don't you see? Even if you do end up with someone else, you will always compare him to Fahad, so laish te'6lemeen nafsech o te'6lemeen Fahad? Talk to him Noufa, maybe he can make you forget, maybe you can end up together after all.'

'La. Anyway khalas we agreed that after 2 months I'll say that we didn't get along and we'll break up officially.'

'I can't believe he agreed to that without putting up a fight'

'La 7abeebty, 3adi. He'll easily find someone else, a9lan he probably didn't think of me for the past six years, bs I happened to be working here and he remembered how it was before' she said, shrugging her shoulder, pretending not to care that even the thought of such a possibility felt like a stabbing pain in her heart.

'I don't believe that. You don't see how he looks at you, I do. The man is crazy in love. Kaifech, but I think you're making a big mistake.'

Senses.. (23)

He waited anxiously for his mother and sister to come back. He couldn't believe it when his mother told him that Nouf's mother accepted the proposal and will start going through the formalities of the engagement, especially because Nouf has been avoiding him for the past week, since his mother made the first call to her mother. He had tried calling her a few times during the week, on her office, her mobile and had even gone over to her desk a few times under the pretense of looking for some report, but she either sent the reports with an assistant, or she happened to be busy in a meeting with someone. He smiled thinking of how they'll announce their engagement to their colleagues at work, and how their relationship will be out in the open, he imagined them everyday enjoying lunch together in his office, without worrying about people gossiping about them behind their backs.

'Mabrook yumma, zain ma i5tert, mashallah 3alaiha, jamal o adab o a5laq'

'Allah ybarek feech yumma, aham shay r'6ach 3alay' he replied kissing her head,

'Allah yer'6a 3alaik mithel ma galby ra'6y 3alaik inshallah' said his mother, hugging him with tears in her eyes.

The next morning he couldn't wait to get to the office, to see her, his fiancée, his wife to be. He took extra care as he was shaving, he made sure his thobe and ghetra were ironed to perfection and the burning 3ood was waiting for him on his way out of the house.

He typed a message to her as soon as he got to the office,

'I can't wait to see you 7abeebty, thank you for having faith in me, I promise you I won't disappoint you. You won't see me by the entrance today because I'm quitting smoking for you :)'

He smiled, waiting for her response, she hadn't replied to his message yesterday either, but he just assumed that she was overwhelmed by everything happening so quickly. He re-entered her life 6 weeks ago, and he's now her fiancé.

Three hours later she still hadn't replied to his message, he was starting to get worried, what if  she was sick? He left his office and walked over to hers wanting to ask her friend about her when he saw her sitting at her desk. He stood for a moment, watching her concentrate on the screen in front of her, biting her lower lip and frowning as she quickly typed in something on her computer.

'9ba7 il5air Dr. Fahad. Mabrook'

Manal's voice broke the silence and she abruptly looked up to where he was standing, as soon as their eyes met, she looked away from him. She must be shy, he reassured himself.

'Allah ybarek fe 7ayatech' he replied smiling, 'Nouf, do you mind coming to my office?'

'Umm.. I'm busy shwaya, can it wait?'

shock registered on his face as he took in her response, why was she avoiding him? He could no longer lie to himself and make up excuses for her behavior, he needed to find out now.

'No it can't wait, I need to see you now, please come to my office.'

'Na3am?' she asked, walking into his office,

'Please sakry ilbab warach' he answered quietly,

'la mayseer, shbeygoloon?'

'Nouf, close the door'

'Fine,' she said closing the door behind her, walking reluctantly into the room, and sitting on his leather sofa

'Noufa what's wrong?' he said as he sat next to her, putting his hand on hers,

'Fahad don't touch me' she whispered, pulling her hand away from him,

'What?' he stared at her in shock, what happened all of a sudden, things were going so well before the engagement, and then she said yes and he thought that everything is falling in to place, why is she shaking with anger? why is she revolted by his touch?

'I said don't touch me' she repeated, in a clearer voice,

'Noufa I don't understand?'

'Laish 5e6abtny? Laish tejberny 3ala shay ana ma abeeh? I don't want you, I never wanted to lay my eyes on you after that day! You breeze in to my life after six years and expect me to be waiting for you! I try to tolerate you and suggest that we become friends but you abuse that, and then bkel waqa7a etyey o te56ebny, and what makes it even worse is that my educated, open minded parents decide that you're too good to say no to, and agree between them that they know better and that I cannot make this decision for myself and so I'm forced to be your fiancée, and I have to pretend in front of everyone in this office today and probably for the next few weeks that I'm the happiest girl in the world. Of course, why shouldn't I be? I have the privilege of being engaged to the great Dr. Fahad! I can't believe after all these years you still find ways to hurt me. I thought I was over this pain, I thought I was ok with it, but I'm not, I'm really not.'

He could physically feel the pain of her words as she was saying them, the happy world that he has been imagining since last night came crashing down around him and all he could hear was the sound of her voice, the woman he loves, telling him how much she passionately hates him.

He stood up slowly, walking away from her as she sat on his sofa crying quietly. With his back to her, he tried to focus on what he could do now. He won't force her to marry him, he loved her too much to do that, but he also couldn't let go of her.

'I'm sorry, I didn't know' he said quietly, 'I thought things were going well and I wanted to prove to you that I was ready for commitment, ready to spend the rest of my life with you' he continued, his back still to her, he couldn't look her in the eye, he was too embarrassed but also, he didn't want her to see the pain in his eyes, 'it seems like I misunderstood.' he said finally turning around to look at her.

'O ba3dain?' she whispered, wiping her tears with the tissues he offered,

'We pretend that we're the happy couple for some time, and then you can say that you got to know me and didn't like me, your parents won't say anything because you gave it a shot, they won't force you to marry me, o ana ma ar'6aha 3alaich. I hurt you once before Nouf, and I promised myself that I would never do it again. I love you, I always have and I always will, so I will do anything you want. After we break the engagement I will leave this job, so you won't have to see me anymore and it won't be awkward for you or your family.'

She stared at him not knowing what to say, was she happy that he's giving her what she wanted? Or was she sad that he gave up that easily?

Senses.. (22)

'This was supposed to be one of the best days of my life.' she thought as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was set in perfect curls down her back, she was wearing a demure, simple long dress, with delicate jewelery adorning her small ears and neck. Today was the day her future in laws are coming to see her for the first time. She tried to smile at the miserable beauty staring at her from the mirror, six years ago she would have given anything for this moment, she would have been ecstatic at the prospect of marrying Fahad.

How ironic was it that she was being forced into marrying the love of her life?

She recalled her conversation with her mother as she announced that this time she has had enough and won't allow her daughter to dismiss yet another suitor,

'Bas 3ad Noufo, latfakreen roo7ech yahel! Ilrayal ma yen3ab, met3alem, o weld nas feehum khair, o she'3la zain. Ba3ad shtabeen akthar min chethy?'

How can she explain to her mother that she cannot trust this man, even though he was all she wanted from this world? She cried and pleaded until in the end she finally gave up. Her mother would never understand, unless she told her the whole story.

How can she tell her that this same perfect man broke her heart six years ago?

'Ma'am they're here..' announced her maid, she looked at her and nodded,

'I'm coming..' she said, slipping her feet into her waiting Manolos, and giving her self one last glance in her mirror.

As she neared the large majlis where the guests were waiting for her grand entrance, she could smell the fragrant 3ood wafting through the open doors. She forced a smile on her face and entered the room.

'Mashallah, tabarak ilra7man' his mother got up as Nouf neared her and kissed her on her head, she then moved on to his sister Dana, and kissed her cheeks as both mother and daughter watched her in approval, 'ta3aly yumma ge3dy 7thay' smiled the mother kindly, she couldn't help but notice that she had her son's beautiful eyes and Dana had his genuine contagious smile.

The evening went on beautifully, the women loved the bride to be, the groom was the happiest man on Earth.

'I love you. I can't believe this is happening'

She read his message one more time and cried herself to sleep.

Senses.. (21)

He stood in his usual spot smoking his third cigarette as he waited for her to drive into the parking lot. He contemplated their relationship, or lack of relationship as he saw it. He somehow survived the past 6 years without her, he was a man of 33, not a teenager, he should be able to control his feelings, he should be able to confront her and tell her that he won’t be her friend. It’s all or nothing.

And yet, he cannot risk her saying nothing. He did survive without her, but he would be lying if he said that his life was ok. After the Zaina incident he threw himself into his work, his research took 18 hours of his day every day, his research advisors even told him that he somehow managed to complete his thesis in record time. During that time he avoided the places that she frequented with her friends, he stayed away from their favorite restaurants and cafes for fear of seeing her, maybe with someone else, until two years after their break up he heard that she went back home for good. After completing his PhD he decided that he cannot go home yet, he cannot face his mother’s questions about his marriage plans so he stayed for 3 more years working at an international consultancy firm in London until six months ago when his father called him and told him that he was getting old and he needs his son to support him.

Seeing her on his first day of work was like a sign from God. A sign telling him that they’ve stayed away from each other for too long. It was finally time for him to be home, with her.

He lit his fourth cigarette as he watched her driving into the parking lot. He was mesmerized even by the simple movement of her hands over the steering wheel. He sighed as she stepped out of her car and walked towards the entrance.

As she was walking, she stopped and turned towards him, shading her eyes with her hand against the sun and started to walk to where he was.

"Good morning" she said smiling,

he smiled back, putting his hand on his heart "Good morning"

"Hehehe of course galbek bey3awrek, mn il9eb7 you're smoking like a chimney"

"La this is my first one"

"La? and the other three on the floor just happen to be right under your feet?"

"Uff, 9edteeny" he said discarding his fourth cigarette, "yallah ta3aly it's too hot here" she nodded and headed towards the entrance with him walking closely behind her.

She spent the rest of the day thinking of him, maybe it was time for her to forget playing games and just admit to herself that he's always been the love of her life. Yes he betrayed her, but people make mistakes, maybe him working here meant that their relationship was meant to be?

"Manal?"

"Yes Noufa?"

"I think I still love him."

That afternoon he reached home late as usual, his mother was sitting in the living room waiting for him,

"Yumma wayed te2a5art ilyoum?"

"Kan 3endi she'3el wallah" he said leaning down and kissing her head, and sitting next to her,

"Fahad yumma lain meta chethy bettem la mara wala 3yal?" she said as she poured his tea,

"Radaina 3ala halsalfa?"

"Ee ana maly salfa '3airha, ma barta7 ila lama achoof mertek yamek o 3yalek 7awalaik. Ya3ny mafy wala bnaya 3ajbetek? Wala 7ata fe ildawam?"

He smiled thinking of her, of the way she walked gracefully in front of him this morning, of how she counted his cigarettes, and of how she took care of him when they were in London,

"Fahad? Dana galatly 3an wa7da ma3ak fe ilshe'3el, o tara ana a3arf ahalha, khosh nas, yumma tara itha tabeeha ana al7een akalem ahalha"

He knew Dana must have mentioned Nouf and just as he was about to start the usual monologue about interfering in his life, he decided that maybe it was time to face his demons, yes he made a mistake, but that was a long time ago, maybe, just maybe she might consider being with him if he showed her that he's ready to commit and that he wants to be with her for the rest of their lives.

"Kalmeehum yumma, ana abeeha."

Senses.. (20)

She took in a deep breath as she left his office. She couldn’t believe the conversation that had just took place inside, does that mean he still loves her? Did he ever love her? She couldn’t help but remember how good they were together, how he treated her with respect but she also couldn’t forget how it all ended. It was a complete disaster.

She busied herself the rest of the day and tried to keep him out of her mind, but somehow he kept creeping in to her thoughts.

It was a Thursday afternoon, which meant that she had the weekend to look forward to and recover from the emotional rollercoaster that she has been going through lately, away from Fahad and the drama.

She nestled into her soft bed and hugged her pillows as she started playing a movie on her ipad when she felt her phone vibrating.

Her heart skipped a beat when she recognized his number flashing on her screen,

‘Aloo?’

‘Hi, can I speak to my friend?’

‘Tet6anaz?’

‘La wallah, this is what you want isn’t it?’

‘Yes’ she wasn’t so sure, it seemed like she was playing with her own heart rather than his, but this is a game she started, she will have to finish it, who knows, she might end up winning.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Nothing, I’m in bed, I was just about to start watching the king’s speech’

‘Can I watch it with you? I’ve been meaning to bs never got around to it’

‘And how are you planning on watching it with me inshallah?’

‘I have it on DVD, we’ll watch it over the phone together, layroo7 mo5ech b3eed,’

She could feel the blood rising to her face as he continued,

‘although, I wouldn’t mind if you invited me to snuggle in next to you in your bed’ he whispered.

‘Fahad. Stop.’

‘Hahaha ok ok I’m sorry, we’re friends, khalas I’m in friends mode wallah. Bas wait let me set up my DVD player.’

She heard him as he fidgeted around in his room and then she could hear the rustling of his bed sheets as he got in to bed himself,

‘ok I’m ready, I’m hugging my nephew’s teddy bear,  I’ll just have to imagine that I’m holding you instead.’

‘I can’t imagine you with a teddy bear, so you collect them now?’ she said teasingly,

‘Laaa, heey! I was sick a while ago and my nephew gave me his favorite bear, he said it will make me feel better.’

‘hmm, interesting’

‘Ok, shh yallah lets watch the movie’

She tried to focus on the characters in front of her but she kept thinking of him, and wishing that he was holding her, her head resting on his chest, his steady heartbeat under her hand.

‘Noufa..?’

‘Hmm..?’

‘Nemty?’

‘Ha? La I didn’t..’

‘So, what did you think of the movie?’

‘It was good’

‘I enjoyed it, but I would’ve enjoyed it more if you were really with me.’

‘Fahad, stop. We’re supposed to be friends’

‘I hate admitting this to you Nouf, because it proves to me how stupid I was back then, but you were the best thing that ever happened to me’

She felt a tear slipping through her closed lashes as she heard the words she has been waiting to hear for years,

‘It’s too late Fahad. Too little, too late.’ She heard his deep sigh and it broke her heart, knowing that he still had feelings for her, would she allow herself to get into the Fahad rollercoaster again? Or should she walk away now before she gets in too deep?

‘Friends Noufa?’

‘Friends Fahad.’

Senses.. (19)

‘Nouf.. ’

‘Fahad’

‘La tjaneneeny’

‘Why what did I do now?’

‘Who was that guy you were with, in your office?’

‘Abdullah?’ she said sitting down and crossing her legs, he came closer and sat on the seat next to her, she felt faint as she took in his distinct smell,

‘I don’t care what his name is. Who is he, and why were you laughing with him?’ even as he was asking her he could feel that his question reflected his jealousy, but at this point he didn’t really care, she knew that he can’t be friends with her and since she wanted to try the friendship thing she will have to put up with his jealous outbursts.

‘He’s just a colleague’ she said shrugging her shoulders, so he’s jealous of Abdullah? She knew that Abdullah had feelings for Manal, so maybe she could use his frequent visits to their office to her advantage, ‘shfeek Fahad?’ she said,

‘nothing, bs mb 7ilwa you sit with him, a5af yetkalemon 3alaich ilnas’ he said, angry at himself for showing her his jealousy,

‘I’m sitting with you’

‘That’s different’

‘How so?’ she said raising an eyebrow, ‘I’m in your office, with a closed door, and we’re both single, if anyone will talk they’ll talk about us’

‘a7san’

‘Ya salam?’

‘Yes, maybe then it’ll force you to acknowledge the fact that we’re not friends and we never will be.’

‘Fahad?’

‘Ya 3yoon Fahad’

‘Did you think about me after..’ she bit her lip to stop herself from completing the sentence. Why did she ask? Why refer to the past? She was supposed to be in control, she was supposed to make him jealous, to play with his heart, not appear vulnerable and show him how hurt she was.

He took in a deep breath, trying to think of how to phrase his next sentence. He could tell she regretted asking the question, he didn’t know how to answer and yet he was glad she asked.

‘Would you believe me if I said that I have been thinking about you every day.. since..’

She winced at the incomplete sentence, he cannot say since she caught him with Zaina, how can one sentence make her happy and miserable at the same time?

‘Honestly?’

‘Yes’

‘No I can’t believe it’ she said, looking down at her nails. What was she doing, she was supposed to appear strong in front of him.

He put his hand on hers, ‘Nouf..’

‘I should go’ she whispered

‘Please stay, we’re friends right?’

‘Not yet’ she said forcing a smile, she was lying to herself, she can’t play this game and if she does continue she will be more hurt than he would ever be, ‘maybe this is a bad idea, maybe we shouldn’t be friends, maybe we shouldn’t even speak with each other’ she said shaking her head,

‘So how do you suggest we work with each other if we don’t speak?’ he said sarcastically,

‘I don’t know.. I guess we shouldn’t be working together’

‘I’ve been assigned this project and so were you, so whether you like it or not we’ll work together’

‘I could quit’

‘Are you mad? Nouf what the hell is wrong with you?’ he yelled at her,

‘Why are you yelling at me?’

‘Because, since I saw you a month ago my whole life has turned upside down. I sleep thinking of you, I dream of you and I wake up saying your name. I’m mad about you and you’ve been hot and cold, one day you can’t stand to see me, the next you want to be friends, then you walk to my office seductively and then you tell me that you’re quitting and leaving my life again. I can’t do this anymore!’

‘I didn’t walk in seductively’ she said with a faint smile,

‘That’s all you took in? Everything else I said didn’t matter to you? You did walk in seductively, every look, every step, every word you say draws me closer to you. I hold myself every time I’m near you to make sure I don’t touch you. I miss holding you in my arms, I miss breathing in your perfume, I miss playing with your hair and every time I see you here it reminds me of what I’m missing’

‘So I should stop seducing you and I should quit’

‘Nouf.. seeing you reminds me of what I miss. Not seeing you would be torture; not having you in my life again would be the end of me.’

Senses.. (18)

She returned to her office with a smile on her face, she couldn't help but feel happy, she missed the way he made her feel and this short encounter reminded her of what she had been missing, how her heart fluttered from something as simple as him touching her hand. She sighed as she sat on her chair, absent mindedly twirling a pen between her fingers.
"5air 5air, shakla it was a successful meeting" said Manal laughing at her friend,
"Manool! Kalba!"
"Tell me, what happened?"
"Wala shay, ge3adna we went through a few papers bas"
"Bas?"
"Ee"
"3ayaaaaaaaara! The hearts floating in your eyes are saying something else!"
"Manool!"
"Ee tell me! I want to know!"
"Wala shay, he kissed my hand o hawashta o yait"
"Way galby" she said mocking her friend, "lo ana chan I fainted"
"Hehhe bas 3ad. I don't want him to think ina 5ala9 everything is ok"
"Why not? Yallah 3ad, you clearly care about him"
"Madry Manal, sometimes a7es I do bs then I don't know if I can trust him"

He sat smiling as he typed in a message on his phone,

I'm sorry if the kiss bothered you, I promise not to repeat it again, but please la te7remeeny shoftech.

He cursed himself for his impulsive actions, but he couldn't resist, having her so close to him without being able to touch her was pure torture. He sighed as he nervously typed in her number and pressed send. He stared at his phone for the next five minutes waiting for her to respond to his message, feeling desperate he started pacing his office while holding his phone. Ten minutes later he left his office and walked quickly over to hers, he could hear her laughter through the door as he approached her office, he walked in to find her and her friend laughing with a tall guy who was standing with his back to the door. So that was why she wasn't answering his message, he stood at the door, furious at her and himself for acting like a teenager. Just as he was about to back away from the door her friend saw him,
"Oh hello, tfa'6al, were you looking for Nouf?" she said smiling and inviting him in,
"La it's ok, Nouf ta3aleely ilmaktab when you're free" he said turning around and walking away,
"I'm free now" she replied smiling and getting up, following him out of the door, "hey, slow down!" she called as she followed him in to his office, "laish ga3ed tarke'6? I'm wearing heels!" she giggled as she closed the door behind her, "5air? What's wrong?" She could sense that he was upset but she wasn't sure why, she had just gotten his message and was about to reply when he walked in to her office.
"Mafy shay, asef ge6a3t ur conversation, you were obviously having fun"
"Oh you mean Abdullah?" so he's the jealous one now? That's interesting, she thought.
"I don't know who he is and I don't care" he replied abruptly, "I came because I was waiting for your feedback"
"You have my feedback" she said smiling and moving closer to him,
"Ma le7agty tegrain the documents.."
"Oh, I thought you meant the message, I'm sorry, my mistake" she said turning around, he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer,
"Nouf..."
"Na3am?"
"Your feedback?"
"I'm here aren't I?" she whispered, pushing him away from her.

Senses.. (17)

She took in a deep breath as soon as she entered the sanctuary of her car; away from her friend's concerned gaze and away from him. How is possible that after all these years he was still capable of driving her heart crazy? She walked in to that room determined to make him pay for all the pain that he had caused her, but the look in his eyes, the concern, the way he said her name, all conspired against her, even her heart was no longer her ally, beating furiously against her ribs. 

She shook her head, tears stinging her eyes, but he has to pay, he has to make it up to her. It wasn't fair that he gets away with the betrayal. She will show him, she thought as she headed back home.

She woke up early the next morning, step one is to show him what he had been missing all those years. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she carefully lined her eyes, and applied mascara to her long lashes, he was never one for make up, and she wasn't either, so she made sure she kept her make up simple. Now that she was back home dressing up would be more difficult since she would be wearing an abaya at all times, but that just meant that she had to focus on the details, a delicate bracelet on her slim wrists, the red sole of her Louboutin stilletos, and a hint of oud would do the trick. She studied her reflection one more time before leaving her room, satisfied with the results of her efforts.

He stood in his usual spot waiting for her, the lit cigarette diminishing between his fingers as he absent mindedly drew breath after another from it; so what do friends do? he thought to himself, as his eyes focused on her car slowly driving into the parking lot. He watched her as her car slowed down to a halt and she adjusted her shaila before she left her car.

She saw him from the corner of her eye as he watched her from his usual spot, she took in his tall form, from the frown on his forehead to his pursed lips on his cigarette, and the way he stood, relaxed and confident under the striking sun. She took her time studying him as she pretended to adjust her shaila, she wanted to make sure that he saw her as she made her exit from the car, she slowly stepped out of the car and smiled in his direction, she could see that he didn't expect that as he slowly smiled back at her,
"Good morning" she called out to him as she walked towards the entrance,
"Good morning," he replied, throwing his now burnt out cigarette and walking towards her, "how are you feeling today? You looked pale yesterday" he said, she could sense the concern in his voice, and could feel her knees weakening a little bit.
"Much better il7imdilla" she said forcing her self to smile and trying to calm her speeding heart rate.
"Il7imdilla" he repeated, "you look much better today, but then again you always look great" he said as his eyes scanned her body, she could feel the blood rushing to her face.
"Thank you, umm.. will you be free later today? I want to go over what I missed, you know, on the project?" she asked
"For you, anytime anywhere" he replied
"Fahad.."
"Labaih"
"I'll see you later" she said and quickly rushed into the building.
She wasn't supposed to feel this way, he should be the one missing her not the other way round!

She walked in to her office to find her friend already there,
"Good morning ya 7ilwa"
"Good morning Manool"
"What was that romantic exchange about?"
"What romantic exchange?" she replied blushing.
"You and Fahad, I saw you Nwaif" she said nudging her friend,
"Nothing.." she sighed and told her friend everything about her plans,
"Ok.. and?" said her friend after she had told her everything that had happened so far,
"Madry Manool, I'm having these weird feelings, where I forget for a moment what happened, and we're back to being me and him, then I remember and he has to feel what I felt, it hurt too much"
"Noufa maybe it's time to forget? Maybe he changed?"
"And what if he didn't? What if I trust him and he breaks my heart again?"
"I guess this is a risk you have to take" she said putting her hand on her friend's shoulder,
"La. I can't, he has to know what he put me through" she said, determined to ignore her feelings and to get to her goal.

He sat at his desk thinking of her, he couldn't help but smile, was it possible that life was finally being good to him and that she was really giving him a second chance? He closed his eyes remembering the way she looked this morning, what he would give to just feel her silky hair between his fingers again.

He opened his eyes as he heard a knock on the door, his smile growing wider as he saw her standing there, with a box of chocolates in her hand.
"Are you busy?" she said walking in to his office and shutting the door behind her,
"Gelt lech, for you anytime, inty tamreen"
"Hehe ma yamer 3alaik 3ado inshallah, here I brought you chocolates, I know how much you love them o maby akoon '6aifa thegeela 3alaik"
"You could never be even if you tried, but thanks for the chocolates" he said taking the box away from her.
"So, shall we go through what I missed?"
"Yeah, I've prepared a few papers, ta3aly hne a7san" he said leading her to the meeting table and pulling a chair out for her, "these are a few documents I want you to go through, tell me what you think" he pulled the chair right next to her and leaned over as she started reading the papers, he stared at her, lost in his thoughts; she could feel his gaze on her, she couldn't concentrate on the words on the paper, so she put the paper down and turned around to face him,
"Fahad?" she asked, raising an eyebrow,
"Ha?" he replied, as if coming out of a trance,
"I can't concentrate!" she said, playfully slapping his hand, he quickly grabbed her extended hand and held on to it, taking it slowly to his lips and kissing the palm of her hand,
"What are you trying to do to me?" he whispered, staring into her eyes, she quickly pulled her hand away from him,
"Fahad! We're at work!"
"I'm sorry, it's just... you drive me crazy, but I'm sorry" he replied, flustered, "please forgive me, ma ra7 a3eedha mara thanya"
"Fahad, we're friends, nothing more, remember?" she asked, with a stern voice, that didn't reflect the turmoil going on inside of her.
"Yes, yes, I'm sorry" he whispered, nodding in agreement,
"Anyway, I'll take those papers and will email you my comments later" she said getting up, pretending to be angry, while the butterflies in her stomach were fluttering in every direction, singing a different song.

She got up from her seat and quickly walked out of the office before her knees betrayed her and buckled under her weight, satisfied with her affect on him, she returned to her office with a triumphant smile on her face.

Senses.. (16)

She left his office feeling disoriented; she was supposed to have no feelings for him, and he was supposed to be in love with her, so she was, at least in theory, the one with the upper hand, but why was she feelings so confused?

She walked back into her office to find her friend hovering eagerly by her desk,
"Ha sh9ar?"
"Nothing.." she replied shrugging her shoulders, she didn't know what happened herself, how was she supposed to explain it to her friend?
"Noufo?"
"Na3am"
"Are you ok?"
"I guess. I don't know.. I mean I walked in all confident, then I saw him and it all came back to me Manal. I don't want to do this, it was a bad idea" she said shaking her head.
"Why? Did he say anything?"
"I told him we should try to be friends and he said no"
"What?" asked her friend shocked, she thought he would take any opportunity to get back to her, maybe she was mistaken?
"Yeah, he said we can never be friends because we're more than that"
"That's great! See, he still loves you!"
"How is that great Manal? It doesn't change anything! It doesn't change the fact that he hurt me, that he betrayed me!"
"Noufa that was a long time ago"
"Yes but it still happened, I would never forget that!" she said, all the emotions she had been supressing for so long rushing back to her, "I don't feel well, I'll just go home" she continued, picking up her things and leaving her friend, watching her as she walked weakly out of her office.

He sat in his office thinking about her, what made her change her mind? Was it possible that she still cared about him? Why would she? After all he's done to her, he didn't even have the decency to explain, he tried, but even to himself, he knew that he didn't try hard enough. He knew that what he had done was inexcusable, so he didn't bother trying.

It was too difficult, being with her, she was too perfect, life with her had seemed so simple, so straight forward, and at that point in his life he wanted more, he craved excitement and he feared that she wouldn't be able to give him that, so when he finally made that mistake, it was like a break from a perfect life. It somehow made him value what he had, but he also realised that he would never have it again, and he was too selfish and cowardly to try to get it back again.

He sighed, thinking of how life was ironic, he had met the love of his life at a point where he was not ready for her, not ready to settle down and he threw it away, and now that he was ready to be with her, life presents her again, only this time she wants nothing to do with him, as if life is trying to prove to him how stupid he once was.

He picked up his phone to find the only comfort he had in his life now,
Fahad: She wants to be friends
Dana: That's great 7abeeby!
Fahad: How's that great? She hates me, she's just saying that because we work together and she wants us to be civil to eachother.
Dana: Shdarak?
Fahad: I know her.
Dana: You never know
Fahad: I do. You didn't see her, she looked so tired, defeated.
Dana: You said she was sick? Maybe that's why?
Fahad: Her eyes were tired, all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her I'm sorry, I want to make it up to her, everything I did before.
Dana: So do that.
Fahad: How?
Dana: By being her friend, if she wants that then give it to her, she'll realise you're not the same person you were before. Be there for her.
Fahad: I can't be her friend!
Dana: Try. If this is what she wants then you have to try. You owe it to her, and it might also give you the chance to explain to her.
Fahad: I don't want to open that subject with her. Ever.
Dana: Don't think about it now, just show her that you're there for her, give her what she wants.
He dropped his phone, his sister's hollow words dancing on the screen, not doing much to comfort him. 

Senses.. (15)

Was it possible that he had feelings for her? She thought as she looked at her self in the mirror one last time. When they were together he made her feel like she was the only woman in the world, until he cheated on her. She had been so sure that she was the love of his life and he was hers, but then Zaina happened and all her dreams were shattered. Could he really still love her? And does she really still love him?

"Noufo? Betro7een wela shlon?" her friend complained, urging her to go to his office, why was she being so pushy? she wondered, but she was too occupied by her conflicting feelings to think about her friend's motives.
"Ok, ok yallah I'm going" she replied, reluctantly leaving her office.
She pushed all thoughts of the past from her mind as she walked towards his office, her friend was right, he once broke her heart, maybe it was time to break his? But isn't playing with hearts a very dangerous game?

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before she knocked on his door,
"Come in" he said without moving his eyes from the screen in front of him, he was frowning as he read something that he obviously wasn't liking, and she couldn't help but remember how she used to calm him down when he stressed about work. She stood by the door watching him for a few seconds until he turned away from the screen to look at her.

He was lost in his thoughts, trying to concentrate on the screen in front of him; he had reread the same email five times in order to understand the jumble of words dancing around on the screen as he was unable to concentrate. He felt foolish and childish; how can seeing her from a few meters away make him feel this way? He heard a knock on the door and tried to concentrate on his work again before looking up at his visitor a few seconds later. His heart skipped a few beats as he took in her tired face, how he wanted to walk up to her and hold her like he used to do when she got sick before. He took in a deep breath to try to steady his rapid heartbeat before he spoke.
"Hala Nouf"
"Ahlain" she replied, suddenly feeling nervous, as if this was the first time she saw him.
"Have a seat"
"Thank you," she replied, walking in to the office and sitting on the chair opposite his desk.
"Salamat"
"Allah ysalmek" she replied, suddenly feeling shy, what was happening to her? She was supposed to be doing the heart breaking, not the other way round. "Umm, Fahad?"
"Yes" he said looking at her, for some reason he felt like she was nervous, but he wanted to feel closer to her, to comfort her; he got up from behind his desk, sat on the chair right infront of her and leaned over closer to her, "Nouf are you ok? You look tired" he wanted to hold her hand to stop her from fidgeting with her ring, to tell her that he wanted to be there for her, to tell her he was sorry, but he knew that there was no point, he was too late.
"Umm, la I'm fine, it's just a cold.. By the way thanks, Manal told me that you asked about me everyday."
"La shda3wa, ma sawait shay Nouf" he said leaning back into his seat, wondering why she was here to see him.

She had always loved her name on his lips, the way he repeats her name with every sentence he says, they way his lips curled as he pronounced her name.
"Fahad.."
"Nouf fe shay? You're killing me here!" he replied, frustrated, not knowing what was happening, why was she there? Was it possible that she wanted to tell him to leave her alone?

His outburst felt like he had just slapped her, she was taken aback by his reaction,
"Wala shay, sorry ga3da a5eth mn wagtek," she said quickly getting up "I just wanted to thank you for asking about me, please don't let me keep you longer" she said, feeling humiliated, she couldn't believe she let her friend talk her into this, he obviously didn't care about her, and now she will just look like the idiot who's throwing herself at him again.
"Nouf, Nouf, Nouf.. la please, please sit down. I'm sorry, ana ma 9adagt you actually come and speak to me, I thought.. never mind, please, let me order you a drink" he said quickly, trying to make her sit down, he felt like an idiot, here he was standing for hours every morning just to catch a glimpse of her, and now that she seemed to be softening towards him, he literally kicks her out of his office?
"La mafy da3y, I'm sure you have important things to do, I don't want to waste your time"
"Noufy please don't say that" he said quickly, not realising the way he had said her name,
"Nouf." she corrected him harshly,
"Oh, sorry I didn't realise.. Nouf" he repeated, feeling flustered. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, she was the only person capable of making him feel like a teenager, and somehow she still had that affect on him. "Please sit, Nouf, please" he said again.
"Fahad.." she said sitting down, "I came here to talk to you about something"
"5air?"
"Inshallah 5air, Fahad, we now work together so, I think we should at least try to become friends"
"Friends?"
"Yes"
"Nouf I can never be your friend" he said, "and you can't be mine either, whether we like it or not, we're more than that."
"Well friendship is all I have Fahad, at least for the time being" she said, forcing her self to smile, even though her heart felt like it was breaking apart. Being so close to him renewed all her heart break, and she started reconsidering the whole revenge scheme, was it worth it? Will she be breaking his heart only, or will both their hearts end up being shattered together?
"Nouf, from you I would take anything" he replied quietly.
"Haha, let's see about that" she said, forcing a fake, careless laugh as she got up and walked away from him.

Senses.. (14)

He impatiently tapped his foot on the pavement as he smoked his fourth cigarette, glancing at his watch. She has been absent for the past four days, he wondered what was wrong with her. He was looking forward to seeing her on Sunday, and he waited at the same spot he was standing at now for her car to glide through the parking lot, when she hadn't shown up on time he assumed she was running late, and had walked back to his office, angry at himself for standing in the heat for over half an hour waiting for her. Yet he stood in the same position the next day also waiting for her, again when she hadn't arrived he swore to himself that he wouldn't act so stupid again, and wouldn't wait for her, however a few hours later his thoughts gravitated towards her; he had sent her an email yesterday regarding the project they were working on and she hadn't replied, that was not like her, he thought. He clicked on the message he sent and looked through the tracking function to see if she had even read his message, when the system showed that it was still unread, he started to worry. What if she was sick? Or worse, what if she had met someone and that someone proposed? Was she getting ready to meet his family? Or preparing for an engagement party? He knew she was officially single, but what if that had changed in the past month since she'd entered his life again? His thoughts drove him into panic mode, he didn't know what to do, who can he ask?

He quickly left his desk and headed towards her office, maybe she came in late and I missed her, he thought, trying to reassure himself. He walked into her office and looked around, trying to locate her when his eyes met her friend's eyes, maybe he should ask her?
"El salam 3alaikum"
"3alaikum ilsalam" Manal replied, taking in his pale face, he seemed uncomfortable, so she smiled, trying to ease his discomfort. She knew her friend still had feelings for him, even if she denied it, and she could tell from the way his eyes were moving in the room searching for her, and even from the way he looked at her when he thought no one was watching, that he not only cared for her, but was madly in love with her friend. She wondered how two smart people like them, can act so stupid when around each other.
"Umm.. lo sema7ty ana kint adawer 3ala Nouf, I sent her an important email and she didn't respond so I wanted to follow up and.." he sounded desperate even to him self, since when do directors follow up in person? He should've just called her boss, he thought.
"Oh sorry, Nouf miskeena is sick, I don't know when she'll be back in the office, but I would say she still needs a couple of days."
"Oh.. Salamat.. Do you know what's wrong with her?" he quickly asked,
"Oh yeah, just a nasty cold, she should be ok in a couple of days"
"Aha.. inshallah.. ma tshoof shar" he replied quickly, withdrawing from her office, and away from her friend's penetrating looks, is it possible that her friend knew? Could he be that transparent?

He glanced at his watch again as he was contemplating whether or not he should light his sixth cigarette as he waited, the October heat seeping through his white thobe. He unbuttoned his top button as he decided that he will wait for another five minutes, she might show up today, he thought. He remembered how he used to take care of her when she got sick, how weak she used to get when she was feverish, how he would wait outside her bathroom door as she took cold showers to ease her fever, and how he would carry her back into bed and massage her cold feet until she fell asleep. He sighed as he finished off his cigarette and decided it was time he withdrew back into his office. Just as he was heading back into the building, he saw her car gleaming under the hot sun as she drove into the parking lot, he let out a sigh of relief and rushed back inside before she could see him.

She was still feeling lousy from the all the cold medication she had been on for the past few days, but she decided to come in to work anyway, all the lying around in bed doing nothing was driving her mad. All she did was think of him, dream of him, she even woke up from a delirious dream calling his name out loud. She frowned as she entered the parking lot, she must be going mad from all the medication, she thought, as she imagined his tall form rushing back in to the building.
She walked in to the office breathless, maybe coming in wasn't such a good idea, even the short walk up the stairs tired her out, but she instantly felt better when she saw her friend's smiling face,
"Noufoooo, you look like shit!" she said as she hugged her friends weak frame,
"Thanks, I also feel like shit" she replied smiling weakly,
"I can't believe a common cold would do that to you"
"La believe it, I feel wa3"
"Ohhh.."
Nouf watched her friend as she smiled stupidly at her, she had a feeling she wanted to say something, but wanted to be asked first.
"Manool, you know there's nothing subtle about you right?
"Why?" her friend gasped in fake disbelief,
"Because it's so clear you want to tell me something, and you want to act as if you don't care but you're dying for me to ask you, so yallah, spill"
"My God you know me too well. Ok, guess who asked about you everyday for the past four days?"
"Who?" she asked her heart skipping a beat.
"Guess.." her friend smiled, taunting her.
"Manool 3ad 3an ilsa5afa, ya tgooleen ya I don't want to know"
"Eff. Ok, Fahad."
"Oh?"
"EEE!" her friend jumped on her seat excitedly,
"Inzain laish meshta6a? 3adi, akeed it has to do with work"
"La? He could've sent me an email asking me to take care of it, but he didn't, he didn't even mention work, he would just come in, ask about you and then leave"
"Hmm.."
"What hmm? Go to his office!"
"Why would I?"
"Come on Noufo! The guy clearly still has feelings for you, and so do you!"
"I don't!"
"Yes you do, and if you don't see that you must be blind!"
"I don't have feelings for him, and if I did, it would be hate not love" she answered,
"I don't care what you say, you love him and he loves you, and if you're so sure you hate him, then prove it?"
"How? Burn his office? Scratch his car?"
"No no no."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you say he broke your heart, maybe it's time to break his.." said her friend casually, while studying her friend's face.
"Pay back?"
"Yes.." replied her friend, she knew this was a dangerous game, but if her friend agreed then she would get closer to him and realise that she still does care for him and all would be great in life, she smiled inwardly at her genious and prayed that her friend would take the bait.
"I guess you might have a point.." she whispered, thinking of all the pain he had caused her.
"Great, so slap on your lipstick and march over to his office!"
Nouf reluctantly pulled out her compact and started applying her lipstick, thinking whether or not this was such a great idea.

Senses.. (13)

"You're wearing flats" stated Manal as she watched Nouf slumping into her chair,
"Yeah, so?" she replied,
"So, that means you're stressed, you only wear flats when you're stressed"
"That's not true, my back hurts so I decided to take a day off the heels, besides it's good to change sometimes" she answered, avoiding her friend's eyes,
"Nouf.."
"What? Do I have to justify everything I do? For God's sake they're only shoes!" she snapped. Manal was taken aback with her friend's reaction so she decided to leave her alone for some time.

Nouf felt bad for the way she spoke to her friend, partly because she was right, she was stressed, in fact she hasn't been sleeping well at all. It was all because of Fahad, she thought, why did he have to come back into my life? She had made peace with what happened, she had let go of all her feelings for him, a long time ago, then why does his presence affect her so much? He hasn't spoken to her since the day she yelled at him and stormed out of his office, all their interaction has been via email since, and all work related, there was not even a smiley emoticon in any of his correspondence, he was keeping it professional, just like she wanted. 

Then why does her heart beat faster when his name shows up in her inbox?

She hasn't seen him since that day either, she heard he comes into the office at 6 in the morning and leaves late in the evening, she also heard that the CEO of the company is extremely impressed, he's been here for a few weeks and already they can see the difference he's making, she couldn't help but feel proud of him; she had always been proud of him. 

This morning as she drove into her usual parking spot she spotted him standing in the scorching heat, smoking his cigarettes. She stepped out of her car, preparing herself to smile in his direction, just to let him know that it doesn't have to be that professional, it's ok to be friendly, just a little bit. She turned around to look at him, just in time to see him quickly busying himself with his phone, and walking away from her, as if to avoid this little moment of interaction between them. Disappointed, she walked into her office, her head held down to be met by Manal's questions.
"Manal.."
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry" she whispered,
"It's ok," replied her friend, smiling reassuringly at her.

****

He has been avoiding her since that day, she was right, respect has to be earned, and there was nothing respectable about the way he had treated her before. This morning he finally saw her, after ten days of trying to stay away from her, he couldn't take it anymore, he had to see her, he stood in his usual spot half an hour early, he was worried he would miss her if he came too late. He stood smoking cigarette after cigarette so that when she came and saw him she wouldn't think he was standing there waiting for her. It was enough that she hated him, he didn’t want her to think he was also stalking her.

As soon as she drove into the parking lot he couldn't help but smile, but as she came out of the car he decided he didn't want her to see him, he didn't want her to feel awkward or uncomfortable, he was happy watching her from far, for now at least, so he walked away, pretending to be busy with his phone. He watched her, from under the safety of his sunglasses, as she gracefully went up the stairs into their building.

He was also afraid, the conversation he had with his sister that day scared him because he realized what he had lost once, and he realized that he cannot lose it again. A second chance is rarely given in life, and he is going to make sure that he doesn’t make any mistakes this time.

Senses.. (12)

Feeling defeated, he picked up the phone and called his sister,
"Dana" he said weakly,
"What's wrong 7abeeby?"
"I'm such an idiot"
"Nouf?"
"Who else would it be?"
"What happened?"
"I don't know, she just.. I don't know"
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know how to deal with her Dana, she intimidates me"
"Hahaha the great Fahad is intimidated by a little girl?"
"It's not funny Dana."
"Shway it is.. hahah"
"Dana.."
"Fahad.."
"I don't know what to do"
"Inzain tell me what happened? Why are you so upset?"
"I feel guilty"
"Fahad it happened a long time ago"
"Yes but it wasn't easy, and now we're both in each other's lives and I don't know how to deal with her, Dana she's no longer Nouf, not my Nouf"
"Fahad you're not the same person either, you're older, more mature. At that point in your life you weren't emotionally stable, and my accident.."
"Nouf that's not an excuse, your accident is not something we should blame for everything, I mean look at Hamad, we're both the same age but he stepped up, he was there for you and now look where you two are, you're happy with your little family, and look at where I am."
"Fahad hearing about my accident when you're so far wasn't easy, and like you said she was there and.."
"I told you that's no excuse, it was difficult, yes but there's no excuse. Dana I let her down. I would've killed Hamad if he ever did that to you, put yourself in her shoes, imagine you saw Hamad in that position.."
"I would kill him!"
"See? So why would she accept it from me?"
"Inzain bs if you told her what actually happened, maybe she would listen?"
"You think that if I told her that my sister and her husband had an accident, she was about to die and I was so worried about her that I ended up sleeping with another girl, would that sound good? Does it even sound good to you? I sound like an asshole even to myself!"
"Fahad.."
"Wallah! I mean look at Hamad, he stood by you, he was there for you until you became well again! And what did I do? I mean she didn't even need me, she just mentioned commitment and I ran away. I'm such a coward, and she deserves so much better"
"O ba3dain ya3ny?"
"I don't know.. I told you, I feel guilty."
"Fahad.. you still have feelings for her right?"
He remained quiet for a few seconds, considering the words before they left his lips,
"Yes" he finally admitted.