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New Year.. (10)

'So Khaled keeps calling me' I said fiddling with my teaspoon. Mariam and I were both sitting having our afternoon tea at the four seasons, enjoying the beautiful view over the west bay area.
'Did you answer?'
'No. I don't want to, I don't know why he keeps calling me, he stopped for a couple of weeks and now he started again'
'Tell him about Ahmed'
'Why would that be significant to him?'
'I don't know, so he knows you're taken'
'But I'm not'
'He told he loves you'
'Yeah, and then nothing, which also worries me'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean he said he loves me, but then what? Where is this going?'
'What do you want?'
'I don't know, which is also why I don't want to ask, I don't want to freak him out and I don't want to freak out either, I mean, it's too soon right?'
'I guess, I don't know'

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to ignore the feeling that's been nagging at me for a while. I know he loves me, and I care for him too, but eventually we were going to have to have a discussion about where this 'love' is heading. Whether we liked it or not, we lived in a conservative society and the last thing I wanted was people talking about me.

'So what about Khaled?'
'I don't know Mariam, I mean, I don't know if I have the energy to keep fighting him off'
'How so?'
'I mean, it's Khaled'
'I know what you mean'
'Despite everything, he will always be Khaled'
'Yeah'
'You know, sometimes I think that maybe it really was for the best, and not only because of Ahmed, but also because I think if we had ended up together we would've been miserable'
'You think so? I always thought you two were the perfect couple'
'Really? I sometimes doubted us'
'Really?'
'Yeah, I never mentioned it before, but sometimes I used to feel that he loved me too much and I think partially that was why I took the break up so hard, I didn't see it coming'
'I felt that too, that he loved you more than you loved him'
'I must confess, I sometimes felt suffocated'
'Did you tell him that?'
'No, but I kind of pushed him away when I felt that. I think, had we ended up together he would've been miserable'
'No I don't think that'
'I do. Now that I can think about it rationally, he would've had to work so hard to keep me happy, that eventually he would've resented me'
'You're over thinking things'
'I don't know'
'Do you miss him?'
'Khaled?' I asked, trying to buy myself some time.

Did I miss him?

I wasn't sure, my relationship with Ahmed was different, it was easier, it was more mature and it made sense. With Khaled I felt like a spoilt child, a child whose every whim was indulged.

I looked back at Mariam,
'Of course I miss him, he'll always be my Khaled.'

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amazziinngggg !! Post soon please !!

Miss Glamorous said...

So it was a strong love story with Khaled and then after the break up and after finding someone new she says she didn't really love him much? He fought for her! And he has been struggling even though he did the wrong thing eventually but at least he shows how much he loves her and it's too much and now she simply "confesses" that she didn't love him much and it wouldn't have worked out.

I thought I could relate to Alia, now she's kind of selfish and mean.

I will stay tuned, post soon please.

Miss Glamorous said...

So it was a strong love story with Khaled and then after the break up and after finding someone new she says she didn't really love him much? He fought for her! And he has been struggling even though he did the wrong thing eventually but at least he shows how much he loves her and it's too much and now she simply "confesses" that she didn't love him much and it wouldn't have worked out.

I thought I could relate to Alia, now she's kind of selfish and mean.

I will stay tuned, post soon please.

M said...

Hmm.. I reread what I wrote again, it's not that she didn't love him, she really did, but what she was saying was that he loved her more. Relationships differ from one person to another, and when you're younger your reaction to love is not always right, hope that's clear.

Miss Glamorous said...

Yes, I know she loved him less, that's why I said she didn't love him much, didn't love him enough. The way you described her agony after he walked on her revealed that her love for him wasn't irrational or foolish, it felt like it was real and mature. Maybe I got it wrong. I still love the story, waiting for the next post.

NYS19 said...

I feel like Alia should have maybe talked about how she felt to Khaled during the time. At least try to fix it if she really did love him enough. Not just let it go because he came back unlucky on the wrong side of time. Fixing things, or at least trying to, is always better than throwing things away without trying.
Really enjoying the story, thanks alot for writing.

Miss Glamorous said...

We are impatiently waiting for the next part.

Anonymous said...

Plz post soooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ji Fa said...

MAKE IT LONGER M >_> !! Hope you still remember me :p and NICE STORY *~*

Miss Glamorous said...

Waiting.

Anonymous said...

2 months later....

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The Truth said...

I love the story, please please proceed I wanna know what happens next! And omg I have this feeling too and it is absolutely torture!!

Pass by my blog if you want to
Thanks,
The Truth
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Miss Glamorous said...

I hope you didn't decide not to finish the story.


Waiting.

Anonymous said...

We miss youu! We're are still waiting here. Whenever you feel like posting we'll be waiting

Anonymous said...

Next post please

Anonymous said...

I am duying to know what happens next! Please don't keep us hanging :'(

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