New Year.. (7)

Falling in love; there's no feeling like it.

I want to talk to him all the time, and when I'm not talking to him, I'm talking about him, I even make myself sick with the sweetness of the relationship. I don't know if it's because it's the start of the relationship or because this is how love is really meant to feel.

Like you're floating on a cloud, suspended over reality where no one matters but you and him.

I woke up this morning to the sound of the morning call to prayer and thanked God for making him cross my path. I've always believed in fate and that if it was meant to be it will be. He told me last night that he wasn't going to take this job, but something made him do it, take a leap and change. Maybe if he hadn't taken the job we wouldn't have met he said. 

I don't think there are wasted opportunities for if God meant for it to happen, and if it was good for you then it would happen; no matter what. 

'So you think I would've met you and fallen in love with you anyway?'

'Fallen in love?' I could feel the heat rushing to my face, and that heat had nothing to do with the layers of blankets I was hiding under and more to do with my pounding heart

'Alia..'

'Yes?' I whispered

'I kind of just told you I'm falling in love with you..'

'Yes?'

'Would you like to respond to that?' 

I could sense he was a bit nervous, and that made my heart swell with love for him. Maybe love was a strong word, maybe it was too soon, but I don't know, it felt right, I debated for a few seconds whether or not I should acknowledge what he said,

'Alia.. you're making me nervous.. is this too soon?'

Was it? I didn't know. He wasn't young and I wasn't young, maybe it was time to explore where this was going, but was I ready? Was he suggesting what I think he's suggesting?
'Alia.. we can pretend this didn't happen and I didn't say anything.. but really, this is how I feel. I don't want you to think that this is a casual thing for me, I don't do casual' he said, his voice steady and quiet, more serious than I've ever known him to be,
'Ok'
'Ok? As in let's pretend this never happened?'
'No, ok as in I'm not sure what to say and I appreciate your honesty'
'I see'

And the mood shifted, it was awkward and weird and we were never awkward and weird, from the day we met 6 weeks ago the conversation always flowed and this was new to me. I had a million thoughts rushing through my mind, I knew I was falling for him too, why didn't I say it? I was mentally kicking myself for being so stupid.

Why did I not say it?

I know.

Because I said it to Khaled and he broke my heart.

So now what?