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The old me..


They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Or so my friends told me.

I should be happy, no one dies of a broken heart, I deserve better, I should be with someone who appreciates me, I should be with someone who could stand up for our love.

Hollow words; they don’t know.

Define kill.

Maybe the killing is not in the literal sense, because trust me, I truly do believe that it did kill me.

If the equation works then mathematically the result should be, not dead = stronger. Since I’m not literally dead, I should be stronger.

But I’m not stronger, I’m so weak I cry nearly everyday, I cry when I read the news, I cry when I watch TV, I even cry spontaneously.

That’s not me, so I guess it did kill me. It killed my strength, my confidence, my arrogance.

It killed my spirit.

I look at myself in the mirror and I’m no longer me, I read what I used to write and it seems like a different life, like I was living someone else’s life. I want to be back in my old body, I don’t like my new one, I so desperately want my old self back, she was a better me, she lived my life better than me.

She was happy.

I want the happy me.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Summon her and she is yours. They are all yours.

H said...

Sometimes we lose someone so dear to us and it feels like we lost a part of ourselves. We look back and remember how easy it was for us to be happy, to laugh and right now it takes so much energy to put a smile on our face. The thing is what doesn't kill us does make us stronger, but it weakens us first. Only the brave ones chose to take their happiness back into their own hands and thereby become stronger.

Azzah Buyabes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Azzah Buyabes said...

Dude you have a life way ahead of you! dont just sit there and do nothing except thinking about how much you miss the old happy you! you can bring that back by letting it go and start to think about your happieness even though your still a bit heart broken (i hope not)! its okay to live a little and bring back what you had! Dont let anything or anybody stop or keep you back from who you want to be and living your life.

Hope this is great advise and inshallah it'll help you!

much love, azzah (was a silent reader)

M said...

She's back, somewhat, but there are always moments of weakness in our lives where you feel defeated, that was one of those moments.

thank you for your comments :)

Yin&Yang said...

I'm glad you're back

-a silent reader

abetterme89 said...

This made me cry, in my case - it definitely killed me,. If only there was a rewind button for life. Laken il7imdilla. الخيره فيما اختاره الله لنا

Anonymous said...

When are you going to post next is the story wid saif n hala finish

The Truth said...

Hi, I'm a new reader.

I have no idea what you have been through, but I imagine from what you wrote that it is something really painful, most probably an end of a relationship. And you miss that. And that's okay.

I've been there, I was the strongest person you could ever imagine not even my mom nor my dad could break me. And I lost that after a tragic break-up. But believe me when I say this : It takes time. And after it takes the time it needed you will be even stronger. And you will love it.

I can honestly say, It was not a nice experience going through the crap (excuse my french) that I went through, But I am also so grateful. I needed that, I seriously did. Wallah just give it time, and you will be thankful. I know it's hard to believe now, But it will pay off eventually. hang in there ♥

best wishes,

xxoo