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I can’t breathe.

I woke up this morning with a heavy feeling in my chest. No, I’m lying, it wasn’t a heavy feeling, it was like a physical pain. I took deep breaths like Sara told me to but they did nothing to the pain.

I can’t breathe.

I think I’m dying.

So I tell Sara that I think I’m dying and she just laughs and tells me that I’m being a drama queen as usual. No I’m not, she doesn’t understand. I feel a physical pain in my chest, I feel like my whole world is about to fall apart, everything, everything feels like it’s going to come crashing down around me.

I can’t breathe.

We’re in the hospital lobby waiting to see Talal’s doctor, they told us we should be going through in five minutes. God, he’s sick and I can’t breathe.

His name was called; I took 3 deep breaths and smiled calmly at him, somehow got up and walked in to the doctor’s office.

3 more deep breaths as I sat down, squeezing Sara’s hand in mine, watching Talal as he fakes calmness.

Another deep breath, the doctor starts with a smile, reassures us everything will be ok, the doctors in Saudi were right, the mass did exist but it was smaller than they had anticipated and therefore removal should not be complicated, they can schedule surgery within the week and that we most likely should not have anything to worry about.

Talal smiles, Sara has tears in her eyes and Saif is waiting for me at the hotel; I should be happy.

But I still can’t breathe.