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Out..

I’m tired. A word I keep repeating to myself over and over again, but tired of what?
Today I emptied my long neglected drawers, and dusted the books you once handed over to me, each signed with your name, each carrying your sweet words, the words that I, in my bitterness have torn away years ago.

I sat on my bed and flipped through my memories of you, each line brought back something; a touch of your fingers, a good morning whisper, I closed my eyes and I almost felt it. I traced my fingers on the smooth pages, hoping to find the faint imprint of your writing.

I realized a few years ago that I was tired, tired of waiting for you. I cried and rebelled, until it broke everything inside me, but I somehow managed to salvage some parts and started waiting – again, for someone, like you who will be able to fix what I couldn’t.

I realize now that this person should be me; I shouldn’t be waiting – I should be fixing – but until I can find the strength to do so, I will remain to be tired, my words will remain hollow and meaningless, so I will say good bye until then.

Thank you for being wonderful readers, please do feel free to email me on diary.of.m@gmail.com at any time.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

your words always manage to move me some way...they're simply beautiful.

-a

take extra care and hope this isn't the end of "Diary of M"

zuz said...

sad post :(

Anonymous said...

Everyone has left blogger.. *tears up*
And lots of beautiful memories are left behind
What can we do, bel2a5eer it's your choice
Twitter maybe? Think about it;p :*
-H

My Prince Charming said...

NOOOOOOOOO ;(
were gooing to miss u :(

Hope said...

U will be missed darling
t.c

Anonymous said...

so sad your leaving...
i hope you wont stop writing cause your very talented mash2allah; it would be sad to see such talent go to waste!
know that you'll be sorely missed...
wishing you the best of luck in your life and i hope this would some how make you feel better:D
93;*

Shamma said...

We will all miss you and I hope to see u back here writing your beautiful words... ur so talented mashallah, this post was so sad and i hope the next would be a happier one

Anonymous said...

U deleted all ur old posts;O
-N

Standy said...

=(

hope you do come back and your gone for a break only =(

Anonymous said...

i miss:(


A.

Rummy said...

Why delete all your posts?! I just started reading the blog and stories..!! Mehh..!!

Anyhow good luck

Hearts Charm said...

Maybe its past midnight or something and my brain isn't functioning properly :p but why is it named 'Out'? Do you mean 'out of my life'?